Finding Closure
by Natfanfirst
Summary: Natalie tries to move on with her life after John leaves town. Will she be able to move on or will the past return to haunt her.
1. Chapter 1

ABC owns all OLTL characters. CBS owns Nick.

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Chapter 1

Natalie laid in his arms as he slept, they had just made love and he had quickly fallen asleep, probably tired because of his stressful and tiring job of catching bad guys. They had been together six months and today on their six month anniversary he asked her, asked her to marry him, he bought the ring and all, a beautiful ring that must have cost him a bundle, a bundle he definitely didn't make being a detective, not a detective in small town USA Llanview, maybe he was paid better in Oakdale where he use to work, he moaned in his sleep and pulled her tighter. When he asked her she was taken back a bit, she had no intentions of telling him yes but she did. She had no intentions of this ever going this far, no intentions of ever being with anyone else, no intentions of ever trying to love someone else but she could love him, she thought, she could try and love him the same way she once loved, Loved.

She turned her body slightly in his grip to see his face and he had the same characteristics as him, only a younger version, his hair was the same color, almost the same length, his eye's weren't the same thou, nick's were dark and brown as John's was blue and bright, ha! She laughed to herself thinking how the eye's were wrong, they fit wrong, John should have the dark, brown eye's cause of all his moodiness and darkness as where Nick was full of light, bright, he should have the bright blue ones. She nuzzled into his arms falling asleep remembering, remembering the day she met Nick.

"Excuse me, Excuse me Sweetheart," He said to Natalie as she passed by him waiting outside of Bo's office.

"What!" Natalie said to him not liking the idea of being called Sweetheart

"I'm here to she commissioner Buchanan, and I've been waiting a long time for him, so do you think you could tell me how much longer It'll be until I can see him" Nick said as he approached her as she started to sit at her desk and ignore him.

"Listen Hon, I've been waiting here for along time, the other girl told me to wait but that was about an hour ago." Nick said as he stood in front of her desk

"Sit down and wait, and don't call me Hon, sweetheart or any other term you seem to think is endearing to woman cause this woman isn't flattered by it" Natalie told him as he started to sit at the chair next to her.

"Whoa, you sure are a live one aren't you? Don't get me wrong sweet cheeks, I'm rather enjoying the view but I haven't got all day, I'm new to town and I still need to find a place to live." Nick said as his eye's roamed her upper body.

"My heart bleeds for ya sugar buns but the commissioner and the chief of detectives are in a meeting and can not be disturbed" Natalie finished telling Nick and then the door to Bo's office opened, John came rushing out in a tizzy and he looked Natalie straight in the eye's when he did. Their eye's locked and then he proceeded to his office.

"Wow! Now that was intense you and that... that.. Detective sure can melt plastic with your eyes "

"Just shut up! The commissioner is free now and who were you again?" Natalie asked as she stood to go tell Bo this man was waiting to see him.

"Nick Casanoff he should be expecting me"

Natalie announced to Bo that Nick was waiting for him and Bo asked Nat to get John and to show detective Casanoff in. Natalie told Nick to go in and then she went to John's office to get him.

"John, Bo wants you in his office" Natalie said as she knocked on the open door. John was standing staring out the window when he heard her voice, he turned to see her but she said what she had to and was gone. She was more than just gone from his office; she was gone from his life, in what seemed like a blink of an eye. She was his for a short period of time and then she was gone. He headed to Bo's office.

"John this is Nick Casanoff he's our newest Detective, straight from Oakdale, Illinois" Bo said as Nick shook John's hand.

"Nice to meet you Nick" John told him and he saw Nicks attention focusing on something thru the window of Bo's office.

'Is there something I can help you with Nick" John said as realized he was staring at Natalie who was bent over the filing cabinet putting some files away.

"The commissioner has already answered all my questions so if that's all I'll see you tomorrow at eight am." Nick said as Bo stood to shake his hand goodbye, Nick turned towards John to again shake his hand and caught another look at Natalie.

"You know what? There is one more question, if you don't mind me asking" nick asked and Bo nodded his head for him to continue.

"Is there a policy on dating in the station? I mean is it forbidden for a detective to see a office worker, I'm only asking because that red head outside your office has a body that won't quit" Nick asked and john became angry

"This is a place of business, we serve and protect here, we don't screw around, the red head in off limits" John said and then realized what he said

"And so is the rest of the female staff, my detectives need to be on their A game, I don't expect anything less" John said as Nick knew he was stepping on his toes. He knew by the look John and the redhead exchanged a little while ago.

"Okay, okay I'm sorry if it came across cocky but she's a doll, beautiful, and breath taking"

"Her name is Natalie, Natalie Buchanan and she 's my niece" Bo said as he walked young detective Nick to the office door. Nick looked dumbfounded, he wanted to crawl under a rock and die.

"I'm sorry sir I .. I didn't mean any harm by what I said about her" Nick said to Bo as he looked back and saw John was still brooding over what he had just said about Natalie. Bo shook his head that it was all right and Nick knew he had better keep his comments on Natalie Buchanan to himself.

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Natalie turned her body out of his grip and tried to get comfortable but she couldn't. She tossed and turned and then decided to give up and get an early jump on her day. By the time Nick woke she was already dressed and having breakfast.

'Hey, you're up early" Nick said getting out of bed and walking over to her and kissing the top of her head before going into the bathroom. Natalie just let out a yup as he passed her.

Nick showered and came out for breakfast

"Now that I'm awake how about I give you a real morning kiss." he said and she smiled, he straddled a seat next to her and leaned in for a long lingering kiss.

"It's amazing how I never get tired of kissing you. Are you going to go tell your family today? Tell them about us getting married, do you want me there when you tell them?" Nick said pouring the cereal on the table into a bowl Natalie had waiting for him.

"I though I'd wait until we set a date before I told them" Natalie answered, not exactly sure why she didn't want to tell them. Well she knew, she didn't want to tell them because her heart wasn't into marrying him, she would love to be announcing getting married to someone else, that is if he hadn't been such a jerk and just quit on them, just give up on them and not fight for her, she had divorced Chris mainly to be with him but he just didn't try, even after everything John had done to her she still would have been with him but she couldn't do it all, she couldn't do all the work to rebuild it, the friendship, the love. Even as she tried to rebuild it he gave up, just left, things got out of hand with work for him and the crap with the therapist didn't help so John just up and left town, he just left without a word to her, without a word to anyone but Michael. Natalie saw Nick waving his hand in front of her face and she was brought back to reality. Her reality, him, her and the fact that she accepted his marriage proposal although she didn't love him completely.

"Natalie, Natalie, why don't we set a date now? Soon, I want us to be married soon" Nick told her as he leaned his hand out to hers and interlocked their fingers, Natalie smiled and remembered what a great guy he was, how he took care of her, how much he loved her.

"Okay, lets do it' Natalie said and she got out the calendar, they picked a date in two weeks, giving them just enough time to plan a small simple church wedding. Nick kissed her goodbye and went to work. Natalie started to clean up the kitchen when she knew, she knew what she had to do before she could marry him before god, she had to make sure there was nothing left with john, she needed closure, complete closure before she could give all her love to Nick on their wedding day. She grabbed her purse and coat and headed to the one person who knew where to find John Mcbain.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2 

Natalie knocked again a second time on Michael's door when she decided to start calling out to him.

"Michael. Michael, it's Nat, open up I know you're in there" Natalie screamed thru the door of Michael's apartment at the angel square hotel. Michael still didn't answer and Natalie was about to give up when she glanced down the hall and saw his room, well what use to be his room, John's that was, it use to be their room, she considered it home at one happy point in her life. She banged a little louder this time and Michael finally opened the door, he was half asleep.

"Natalie what the hell do you want? I was sleeping" Michael told her as Natalie didn't wait to be asked in, she walked right passed him into his room.

"Michael, it's almost 9 am why are you still asleep?" Natalie asked him as she took a seat on his couch

" I worked the night shift. Just got home a few hours ago" Michael answered as he sat next to her on the couch

"I'm really sorry that I woke you Michael but I really need your help and it's important." Natalie said taking one of his throw pillows from the couch and holding close to her body

"Shoot, what is it since I'm awake now" Michael asked as he noticed she got a little nervous

"I need you to tell me where your brother is?" Nat said as she watched Michael stand up from the couch and walk away a few feet.

"I..I don't know Nat, I really shouldn't, he asked me not to." Michael said as Natalie also stood and approached him.

"Michael you could tell me or I could just hire a PI to find him, I'd rather you'd tell me I'm kinda under a time restraint here. Please, pretty please, I won't tell him you told me, I promise" Natalie told Michael and she batted her eyelashes, she knew he was a sucker for that.

"Fine, but you have to know last I spoke to him he wasn't the same, so don't get your hopes up for anything"

"Michael, I gave up hope when it came to John a long time ago, I just need to talk to him about a few things before I get.. Before I get" Natalie tried to get the words out about her getting married but for some reason she couldn't, she wasn't sure if she couldn't because Michael was John's brother or if she just didn't want to tell anyone.

"What Natalie, before you get what?" Michael said picking up on the fact that there was something else going on here.

"Well, I..I haven't told anyone yet but..but Nick asked me to marry him and we'll be getting married in two weeks. But before I get married I just need to know a few things from john before I can let him go completely and open my whole heart up to nick" Natalie said and she turned away from Michael, as if she couldn't look into his eye's and say she was marrying someone other than his brother.

"Nat, that's great, I mean it's wonderful but if you think by finding John he's gonna all of a sudden change and fight to win you back you're wrong, He really has changed Natalie and not in a positive way." Michael told her trying to get her to realize that John had gone down hill since losing his job in Llanview, since losing her. Michael had spoken with John every few weeks for the past six Months. Michael would call to check up on him and John was either drunken or sleeping off the drunken state from the night before. Michael had been worried about John so he went to see him a few weeks ago and they had, had a fight, Michael brought up Nat's name and obviously John wasn't drunken enough yet so they ended up in a fight. Michael had told John that night about Natalie and Nick Casanoff in hopes of John doing something about it, something like coming back to Llanview and sweeping her off her feet, but John again did nothing, as if it didn't matter, as if she didn't matter to him anymore. Michael knew the truth even if John couldn't face it. Michael knew his brother would always love her and he would never get over her but John didn't want to hear it, so it ended, their visit, and it ended badly, they got in their first fist fight since they were kids and Michael left. They hadn't spoke since then. Michael thought about how mad John would be if he told Natalie where to find him, what the hell he told himself, he's already mad at me. Michael came out of his thoughts when he heard her clear her throat.

"I'm sorry, I got caught up in something in my Head" Michael told her apologizing for listening to the voices in his head.

"It's alright, John use to do that a lot too." Natalie said as she let a small smile pass her lips remembering how john would go off into his own little world sometimes.

"Natalie, he really has changed, I really don't think this is a good Idea, I don't think it's going to help, I think It may just make things worse for you" Michael said wanting to spare her the sight of a drunken arrogant John.

"Just tell me Michael, I'm a big girl, I can handle it" Natalie said and Michael told him that John was back in AC and that he usually hung out at a bar called O'Malley's, which Natalie knew exactly where it was. Natalie thanked Michael and started to leave the Hotel when her cell phone rang.

"Hello" she said into her phone

"Hey Sexy, I heard you'll be off the market soon, is that true?" Nick said all flirty into the phone talking to Nat.

"Yeah, the old man's gonna make a honest woman out of me." Natalie said with a grin as she walked to her car.

"I know you're off today why don't you meet me for lunch? Nick asked

"I can't. Actually I might not make dinner either I need to see an old friend and tell them about our good news, I'll call ya when I know when I'll be home" Natalie said and she ended her call with Nick, she drove her car to the train station. She took the train to the AC station and she got a rental car and headed towards the bar, she knew it was early but she decided to go anyways and wait for him.

John was sitting at the bar again like everyday for the past six months. it was only three in the afternoon and he was on his way to one hell of a hang over. He had gotten there around lunch time and started drinking then, drinking like everyday, drinking to wash away his sorrows. As he sat he heard a noise, turned and he caught a look at the pool table in the corner of the bar and he couldn't help but think, think about her, the person he had thought about and loved for the past three years, Natalie. Everyday he sat with his back to the pool table for that reason, the reason that he just didn't want his mind to go there, to that place, those memories, he wanted to forget, forget it all. Today was no different of a day than every day in the past six months. He drank till he could barely walk and then he'd pick up some girl and maybe he'd be lucky enough to still be able to get it up with all the alcohol in him. Sometimes it wasn't even easy to forget, to forget her, sometimes he wasn't drunken enough and he would take a girl home and pretend she was Natalie and that they were Making Love, instead of the unattached sex he was having with a stranger. John was yet again drowning in his sorrows when he had to hit the head and he got up.

Natalie walked into the bar and she didn't see him, she looked around and saw a pool table in the corner, actually she knew this pool table, she had played pool on it when she was younger, actually hustled some money off some drunken gamblers. The table was red cloth not green which Natalie liked and it was full sized, some bars had a smaller version because of space but this one was full size. She decided she'd play as she waited for him, she took a pool stick off the wall and racked the balls, playing pool would help, it would definitely help calm the butterflies that were forming in her stomach at the thought of seeing him, seeing him again.

John returned from the bathroom and he heard the breaking of the pool balls. It was a hard crisp, exact break and he turned to see who was playing when he saw her, his Natalie. He blinked a few times to make sure it wasn't a drunken illusion and he saw it was really her. She was here, had she come here to find him? He wasn't sure what to do so he slowly walked over towards her. She never looked up from her game, as she didn't need to see him, she knew he was there. She felt his presence.

"How are you?' she asked making her shot

"All right and yourself?" he answered her as he watched her move around the pool table; he loved the way she moved, especially around the table.

"What are you doing here? John asked as he continued to watch her play

"I think it's time we talk" Natalie said looking up from her shot to catch his eye's on hers

"What is it you think we need to talk about?" John asked as he took a stick off the wall and started to play pool with her.

"I need you to tell me some things, I..I need to know why you gave up on me, why you didn't even try" Natalie asked him as he missed the shot he was going to take.

"I don't wanna talk about this, there's nothing to talk about, we weren't meant to be. I wasn't meant to be happy, it's not in me, I'm not that type of person" john said avoiding her actual questions

"Shut Up John! This isn't about you and your damn demons, it's about me, not everything revolves around you and those damn things you carry around in your soul. I need to ask you something and then maybe we can figure out where we went wrong" Natalie said as she stood without taking a shot.

" Why is it so important? Important to know where we went wrong? You've got somebody else don't you? The young wise hot shot Detective, what was his name again.. Larry, no Moe, no curly" John said as he stood staring into her eye's. he was trying to be strong but being so close to her was driving him crazy, he wanted to just grab her and kiss her hard and long but he couldn't she wasn't his, she never really was and she never would be.

"Very funny John, I see you're not to drunken to make jokes" Natalie said moving a little closer to him.

"Yeah, well you haven't seen anything yet. You never answered my questions why?" John asked her as they stood face to face staring at each other daring with their eyes, daring the other to back down and look away.

"Because..Because. I don't wanna make a mistake, I mean if there's any way that we might still b---" Natalie said but was cut off when a leggy blonde bimbo walked over to them.

"Hey Johnny I'm sorry I'm late, who's this?" the blonde said a little annoyed at seeing John with Natalie

"An old friend, can you give us a minute" John said as he looked away from Natalie towards the blonde and then put his focus back on Natalie who had a mixture of jealously and disgust on her face.

" An old friend huh? You've got five and then I'm outta here, find me someone else looking for a little fun," the blonde said looking at Natalie as she walked over to the bar.

"Natalie I---" John started to say but Natalie quickly cut him off.

"No, you know what John I got just what I was looking for from you, I don't need any answers from you, I had them all along," she said as she tried to put the stick back on the rack on the wall and he grabbed the top of it with his hand to stop her

"Natalie, don't" John said holding the stick firmly and looking into her disgusted eye's

"Let go, let go now John your blonde is waiting" she said as he let go of the stick and allowed her to put it up on the rack, he watched her put it on the rack and he saw the glisten of her engagement ring.

He grabbed her hand roughly and looked at the ring

"Nice rock must have put the Jr. detective back a few." Natalie snatched her hand from his grip,

"It is nice isn't it? And his name is Nick" she said and she left the bar


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3 

John watched as Natalie stormed out of the bar. She didn't look back and she left, well what did he expect, she finally saw him for who he was, for what he was, a bum. A drunken womanizing bum.

"Hey Johnny, you ready to go back to my place?" The blonde said as she walked over to him by the pool table.

John looked at her and he couldn't believe what he saw. Why was he with someone like this, why would he do this to himself, night after night, day after day. This is what he became, all because he couldn't have her, couldn't tell her, couldn't tell Natalie and he didn't attempt to either. He hadn't even tried.

"Hey, hello, Johnny boy wanna go or what?" the blonde said as John walked right passed her and out of the bar without a word to anyone.

Llanview

Natalie arrived at his apartment around midnight; she used her key and went in quietly, knowing he would already be asleep. The train had gotten her into Llanview a few hours ago but she hadn't wanted to come here yet, she didn't want him to see the mess she was, he would've known something was wrong and she just couldn't hurt him like that. She thought how she would tell him, tell him the real reason she went to see John. Tell him that she still held Love for him in her heart and although she at first told herself she wanted closure to what they once was, she knew it was a lie the minute she saw him, even thou he looked like shit and smelt like a brewery her heart still skipped a beat the minute she felt his presence. She was still very much in love with him. But what did that mean for her and Nick?

She cared about Nick very deeply, he was a great guy, she even loved him, but he just wasn't John, she wasn't in love with him. She walked quietly into the bedroom and saw him asleep in bed, he was so peaceful, and she knew it wasn't fair to him. She turned to walk out of the room and leave, she would go home tonight, she told herself, she couldn't be here with him tonight, she was just about to walk a few feet out the bedroom door when she saw him reach up and turn the light on.

"Hey, babe, you're finally home" He said as he got out of bed and walked over to her. He looked at her face and knew something wasn't right, he took her hands and led her to the bed to sit down.

"What's wrong? Is it the friend you were seeing today? Were they not excited about our news?" Nick asked as he pulled her in and held her to his chest.

"Its okay now, whatever it is, it's okay" Nick told her and she thought about if she should tell him now, tell him where she was today, who it was she was so upset over, why she was so upset, if she should break things off now, now before the wedding invitations went out, now before she told anyone else of the marriage, the two people that knew wouldn't tell anyone else and maybe it would save him some embarrassment. The two people who knew she thought, John and Michael Mcbain. John she thought, he was with some blonde, some blonde with so much makeup she probably needed a power washer to take it off at night, at night, tonight, he was probably having sex with her right now, he hadn't come after her when she left but why would today be any different than any other day. He's never chased her, not ever and tonight he again didn't. He stayed with the blonde and her legs. She shook her head and Nick pulled her back off his chest for minute to take a look at her, he pushed a piece of hair behind her ear.

"Do you want to talk about it or do you just want to go to sleep?" Nick asked her as he stared into her eyes

Natalie again shook her head this time free of the thoughts of what happened tonight, she would forget tonight happened, the same way she would forget John Mcbain again, this final time cause he was dead to her now, she knew she had said that in the past after she found out about him knowing about Chris but this time she meant it. She had Nick and she would be marrying him in two weeks. She wasn't going to let John screw this up for her; she wasn't going to let him screw up her life again like he did in the past.

"Lets go to sleep" Natalie said as he helped her get undressed and they snuggled into bed for the night.

A week passed and Nick and Natalie had everything planned and set for their big day. They sent out simple invitations to a handful of friends and to all of Natalie's family. Nick didn't have a lot of family but a few close cousins who would make the trip in from Illinois. All was going according to schedule and Natalie couldn't be happier. Well yes, she could be happier, happier if she was marrying John. She tried not to even let her mind go to that place, the place of thinking about John, she was marrying Nick and that was all that mattered.

"Hello, Bo it's me John, John Mcbain" John told Bo as he called him on his cell phone.

John and Bo talked for a few minutes about how they had been and then Bo asked John what the call was really about.

"I know you had no other choice but to fire me but I was Just wondering if you might have a job open that is if you even want me back." John told and asked Bo on the phone.

"Actually John, things haven't been the same here since I had to fire you. Your old job is still here but.. But I'm not sure if I can hire you back. I'm not sure I should, i need to see if you've changed any since you left, I mean you were a real mess back then, and you do no Natalie and her boyfriend Nick still work here at the station, I really am not up for any problems like the last time."

"I thought he was her fiancée" John asked Bo

"What?" Bo asked

"I thought she was going to marry him?" John asked letting a shimmer of hope pass thru his body, hope that she had decided not to marry him. The shimmer was short lived when Bo corrected his wording.

"Yes, you're right I'm sorry I forgot they're engaged. Why don't you come back to Llanview and we can have dinner and discuss things. I'm sure we can work things out If you're willing that is?'

"Yes, I'm willing and I'm already here" John told him as he started unpacking his clothes from a single box he brought back from AC with him.

"Here already, I guess you're serious then. How's dinner tonight eight o'clock at Capricorn " Bo asked and the two ended their phone conversation.

John continued to unpack his box when he came to her picture, it was his favorite picture of her, she didn't know the picture was being taken and she was smiling at some kids in the park playing football. John placed the picture on top of his nightstand in his room, his room at the hotel, their room, their home. When he had seen her the other day, the day in the bar, he was a wreck before he saw her and then after, he was so much worse, just the thought of her being with someone else, marrying someone else, it made him ill. He decided he didn't like what he became, he didn't like who he was, so after he saw her he couldn't go back, back to getting drunken and screwing around, he saw the disgust in her eye's, how she looked at him like she didn't even recognize him. She had come to talk to him about stuff, about them, what they once was, and for a few seconds he believed, believed she could still Love him. He had left the bar that night alone, completely alone, no baggage. He checked it at the door of his apartment. She was right this wasn't about him and his demons; it was about them, about them finding a way back, a way back to each other. He knew why she was there that night, she was there to ask if it was possible, possible to try, for them to try, she wanted to make sure she wasn't making a mistake marrying a man, a man she didn't love or at least a man she didn't love as much as she loved him. There was a knock on his door and he knew who it was.

"Come in Mikey" John yelled from the bedroom

" Hey, I see your settling in to your old place again" Michael said as he sat on the couch

"Like I never left Mikey, like I never left" John told him with a half smile on his face. John and Michael caught up on things and John apologized for being an ass for the past six months and then John needed to know about Natalie and Nick but he didn't just want to come out and ask him so he spoke in circles trying to get the answers he needed and wanted. Michael knew just what his brother was doing and called him on it.

"Why don't you Just ask me? Ask me about her?" Michael told john as John was staring at the slot machine that Michael had been keeping in his room for him.

"I love this thing you know, she bought it for me a long time ago when we were friends, just friends" John said as he pulled the arm of the machine down and he watched it spin.

"John, it's not going to happen, so if you came back only for her, don't get comfortable cause you won't be staying" Michael told John as he watched him still with the slot machine.

"John did you hear me, it ain't happen bro, she's getting married and soon, real soon" Michael told john and then John looked away from the slot machine.

"What? When?" John asked not realizing that they would be getting married that soon.

"In a little under a week" Michael told John as John walked passed Michael towards the window and looked out. What was he going to do now? He asked himself, how would he rebuild things with her so fast.

Later that night John had dinner with Bo and they discussed John getting his old Job back and they also discussed how it would effect the station, just the fact that John was back and Natalie and Nick was also there. Bo thought maybe it was best for John to wait to come back till after Nat's wedding. He could start while she was away on her honeymoon and then a married Natalie and Nick would be better adjusted to keep things civil. John and Bo left Capricorn and John walked towards the hotel when he heard a commotion going on out front. He looked and it was Natalie blindfolded and surrounded by a group of maybe five or six women. He recognized Marcie, Kelly, and even a very pregnant Jessica. Natalie was laughing one of her wide laughs and they seem to be leading her somewhere. He overheard one of the women say something about a surprise on the roof for Natalie and he followed behind them as they went on to the roof.

John was so curious as to what was going on that he stayed a little ways back and watched. He watched all the women laughing and joking as they had Natalie sit in a chair in the middle of the roof. He was close enough and he could hear them talking and laughing, he heard her talk and laugh and his heart turned to mush. How he loved her laugh.

"This isn't funny guys, I hope there isn't going to be a male stripper here when You take off this blind fold, remember I promised Nick, no strippers for our parties" Natalie said as she sat waiting.

"I really don't know what this is Nat, we were just told by Roxy to get you up here this way" Jessica said

"Roxy! Well then I'm definitely in trouble now" Natalie said as she pulled the blindfold off just in time to see someone moving towards her in what seemed to be a LPD uniform. His back was to all the girls and they started to laugh, knowing that this was probably a stripper sent by Roxy. Such a Roxy thing to do someone even commented.

John was still watching from an undetectable spot by the door and he watched and he even chuckled a little when he saw the stripper start his music.

The stripper started the music and then still without turning around he started to move towards Natalie sort of in a moonwalk type motion. He straddled his backside over Natalie in the chair as Natalie laughed continuously never stopping. He had the standard LPD hat on with the brim covering his face and he was beginning to move his ass up and down in Natty's face. After a few seconds Natalie busted out with the biggest squeal.

"EEEEEEEEEEEEE! I Know this Ass!" Natalie said as Nick took off the hat and this hair fell out of it, all the women screamed and were laughing so hard they couldn't breathe.

"You better" Nick said as he sat on Nat's lap, he leaned in and kissed her

"What are you doing?" Natalie asked in between her chuckles

"I knew you had a thing for men in blue" He said with a smart-ass grin and he kissed her again. All the woman got the hint and they left.

John saw what occurred on the roof and he felt the jealously build up in him. He pushed it down and moved so the woman wouldn't see him when they left. After they left he looked out to see them continuing to kiss and he felt defeated, defeated even before he began to fight, before he began to try, to try and win her back. How could he compete with that? With him? He watched her with him and she seemed happy, genuinely happy. Was he wrong? Wrong in thinking she still loved him and that's why she went to Ac to see him last week. Was he wrong? He again asked himself as he decided it was now or never. He needed to know, he needed to see her face, so he could tell if there was anything left or even anything to work with. He took a deep breath and walked out on the roof with them.

Natalie and Nick had changed places and she was now on his lap and they were still kissing when they paid no attention to the opening of the door. They assumed it was one of Nat's friends who maybe forgot something up there. They didn't look up till they heard his voice.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't know anyone was up here," John said as he saw Natalie look at him, become Red in the face and fall off Nick's lap before Nick could catch her.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4 

"Natalie Honey, are you alright?" Nick said as he stood up and pulled Natalie up off the floor.

"I'm fine" Natalie said red in the face and she wiped herself off.

"Are you sure Natty, that looked like a nasty fall?" John asked

"Yes, I'm sure!" she got mad and told John she looked at Nick, and then she looked back to John.

"What are you doing here John?" Natalie asked as she tried not to stare at him for to long, she looked away briefly and then looked at nick before refocusing her attention on john and his answer.

"I live here again. Got my old job back to, so I guess you'd say I've come home" John told her as Natalie looked at John a little longer than she should have and Nick looked between the two, before focusing his attention on John.

"That's right, I remember you, John Mcbain right? You were my boss for a few days before you got fired" Nick said as he leaned his hand out to shake John's.

"It's nice to see you again" Nick added as the two men shook hands.

"You too, It was Ned right?" John said, as he knew what his name really was.

"Nick, his name is Nick" Natalie told John as she caught on to what he was doing, the game he was playing. He was purposely trying to catch her off guard, purposely trying to make her feel uncomfortable.

"So john, what brings you back to Llanview?" Nick said standing next to Natalie putting his arm across her shoulders pulling her a little bit closer to him.

"I've always loved it here, but the real reason is I have some unfinished business here" John said as he wasn't trying to hide the fact that he couldn't and wouldn't get his eye's off of Natalie. Nick was no dummy he knew John and Nat had a thing before he came into the picture and it was obvious by the way John was looking at her he still had a thing for her.

"Well that's great, have you heard our great news? Natalie is giving me the great pleasure of marrying me on Saturday. Maybe if you're not busy you'd like to come to the wedding? " Nick told John. Nick was just making John aware if he didn't already know that she was off limits and he invited him to the wedding almost as if rubbing his nose in it.

"Yeah, I heard that somewhere, congratulations, I'd love to come to the wedding and see you two get married, thank you. Maybe it'll even last a little longer than Natty's other marriages." John said being a smart ass and looking at Natalie while he said it. Nick was about to open up his mouth and say something when his cell phone rang. he excused himself and took the call a few feet away from them. Natalie walked a little bit closer to John and spoke softly to him.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Natalie said with her back to Nick as she leaned in a little closer to John.

"What are you talking about Nat, I came up here for some air" John replied as he turned slightly and saw Nick watching them as he took his phone call.

"Bull shit! Why'd you come back to Llanview now all of a sudden." Natalie said not to loud still leaning into John.

" Like I told your boy wonder I have unfinished business here" John said as he caught her eyes and he stared straight into them.

"And what business might that be?" Natalie said after turning her body to see Nick staring at their backs.

"You" John said as he leaned in really close to her ear so she could feel his breath on her neck. Natalie closed her eyes, he was so near, and she could feel him. She opened up her eyes when John backed up because he heard Nick approaching them.

"I'm sorry babe but I gotta go, that was Bo, he needs some help with a case tonight" Nick said as he leaned in and kissed her

"Will you be alright getting home without me? " Nick asked as he pulled her body close to his with his arms, Natalie nodded.

"Good, I'll see ya when I get home and we'll finish what we started here on the roof" He said and then he gave her one more long lingering kiss mostly for John's benefit .He told John he looked forward to seeing him at work and the wedding and then Nick left. After Nick was completely gone john turned to Natalie.

"I can't believe you like all that babe and honey crap" John told her making a weird face.

"I won't let you ruin this for me john, not now, Nick's a great guy and I'm marrying him on Saturday and he's everything I could have hoped for." Natalie said as she watched John slowly move closer to her.

" But he's not me " John told her as they stared into each other's eye's. Natalie stayed silent for a few minutes before she spoke.

"Yeah, you're right he's not you, he has no demons, no baggage, no problem telling me he loves me, If I walk away he follows, he's a great guy" Natalie said as John continued to get closer to her, closer to her on the roof, their roof, the place where they made love for the first time.

"Yeah, you said that" John told her as he got real close and he stared into her glassy eyes, he leaned in with a soft kiss. Natalie responded to his kiss at first because of the way it made her feel, the way it always made her feel. But then she pushed him away from her.

"I won't let you, I won't let you walk back into my life and ruin this for me, I won't!" she said and she left the roof.

Later that night Natalie laid awake on her side of his bed and she had been trying to sleep for hours. All she could think about was John, he was back and for a minute there on the roof she was excited by that fact, the fact that he was back in Llanview. She asked him why he was back and he said because of her. He was playing games again, playing with her heart, he always did this, he couldn't tell her how he felt about her, that he loved her but he didn't want anyone else to either. Typical John McBain stuff. Can't love me, won't even try, feels I'm too good for him, but doesn't like the fact that I'm with someone else. He comes across as if he might take action, might try, might fight, but when push comes to shove he can't it's just not in him. I won't give in to him, not this time, not when I have a terrific guy wanting to marry me and that loves me. She told herself. I won't be stupid and fall for John and let him string me along for the rest of my life it ends now. Right here, right now.

She thought some more about John and how she could possibly have spent the rest of her life waiting for him, and for him to use those three words that he seem to be so hung up over. She shook her head as it lay on her pillow. No, she again told herself, I won't fall back into John's trap, I won't play that game again, and I most certainly won't continue our dance that has lasted almost three years. She rolled over in bed and looked at a sleeping Nick. She would have so much better of a life with him than waiting for something that might never happen. She kissed his cheek while he slept and she laid her head on his chest and again tried to get some sleep.

John couldn't sleep so he took a walk thru the park, it was really late but he didn't care. He walked thru the square thinking about her, he saw them together tonight for the first time and it really bothered him, nothing had bothered him as much as this except when Chris came home from prison and he lost her for good. She had a hard time forgiving him then, but she did end up forgiving him. She had resisted it but she slowly forgave him, she divorced Chris and had wanted to try but he wasn't responsive, he was afraid he'd again hurt her and he couldn't do that to her again, he couldn't do that to himself again. He couldn't go thru the pain he felt every time she was in pain, and then to know he was the one causing the pain. She once said she didn't need words from him to know how he felt about her but he thought it was time, time to try and say those words, say them to her.

He would never say something he didn't mean but his time both his heart and brain knew it was time, time to actually tell her the words, the truth. The only thing was, he was running out of time and he wasn't sure how to do it. How do you just say I love you to someone you've loved for so long in passing. How would he find the right time to tell her over the next two days before her wedding day? He stopped and looked at the bench they once sat at and said goodbye on. He knew he just had to do it, if he didn't it might be something he never recovered from, a regret he would live with that might paralyze his whole being. He thought about tonight and he got his answer about her still loving him, he saw it when she stared into his eyes, when she didn't pull out of his kiss, how she got so mad at him. She still loved him, just as much as she did six months ago, he was just hoping it wasn't impossible for them to get over all the bad stuff. He pulled his necklace out of his shirt, the St. Jude medal she bought him for Christmas, he rubbed it with his fingers for luck, and it's time I make the impossible possible.

The next two days had gone by so quickly and it was now the night before her wedding. Tomorrow she would be getting married, tonight was his last chance, his last chance to make her realize she could never be happy with Nick, with anyone else because she loved him, and he loved her. He had been trying to get time alone with her over the past two days but she was always with someone else, with Nick, Jessica, Vicky, even Roxy and if he asked to speak with her alone she wouldn't talk to him, she would barely even acknowledge he was around. It had to be tonight; tonight was his last chance, he thought as he walked thru the square heading for her rehearsal dinner at Rodi's. He had over heard a few of the officers talking about it at the station today when he had stopped by to see Bo. He didn't care if it was a rehearsal for her wedding, and that all her family would be there. He would tell her in a room full of people if he had to, he just needed for her to know , to know and then she could make her own choice if she wanted to marry Nick or be with him, but a choice for her to make after she knew the truth, after she heard the words from him.

John walked into Rodi's and a lump formed in his throat as he saw her, as he looked at her and saw how beautiful she looked, the party had already started and she was talking to Jessica and feeling Jessica's belly, probably trying to feel the baby kick or something he thought, he walked over by the Jukebox and saw Michael standing there.

"Hey bro, what's going on? Why you here?" John asked Michael

"Could ask you the same thing but I already know the answer. I hope you aren't going to do anything crazy tonight" Michael asked John as John saw Natalie walk over to Nick and give him a hug. This is going to be hard he thought, but I'm going to tell her tonight. He watched Nick escort Natalie to the dance area and he heard that one of Natalie's favorite songs was playing on the jukebox. John was completely ignoring Michael at this point and he walked a little closer to the happy looking couple.

"John, John I was talking to you, no John, don't. Just leave it alone," Michael said as he saw John walk right next to the slow dancing couple and tap Nick on the shoulder.

"May I cut in?" John asked Nick as Natalie shot John a look of annoyance. John didn't wait for an answer from Nick and he grabbed Natalie's hand out of his grip and glided her a few feet away. Nick just smiled not wanting to make a scene and walked over by the bar brooding inside while covering with a smile.

" What do you think you are doing John?" Natalie said with her own phony smile planted on her face.

" I need to talk to you and this is the only way I could think of getting you alone" John said looking over to see Nick's face start to become angry looking.

"Alone, there's like thirty people here" Natalie said with a small chuckle

"Yeah, but we're the only two dancing. Hey remember when I closed this place for us?" he said smiling

"Yeah" she said softening with a slight glimmer in her eye.

"That was fun wasn't it? We did have a lot of good times didn't we?" John asked as he continued to move her slowly around the dance area.

"We did, that we did" Natalie said looking into his eye's getting lost in those blue eyes of his. She had even forgotten all about nick for a moment or two.

"John why are you really here tonight?" Natalie said as the music started to come to the end of the song.

"Natalie, I love you" John said loudly as the music had stopped and everyone heard his declaration of love, including Nick.


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 

Natalie pulled herself away from John and looked at him. Did he just say what I thought he just said? She asked herself and she knew it must be true cause next thing she saw was Nick pushing her aside and punching John across the jaw causing him to fall to the ground.

"You've got some nerve Mcbain, get out!" Nick said to John still lying on the ground. Nick turned to Natalie and looked into her glassy blue eyes and gently grabbed her hand and walked her to the bar as they saw Michael walk over to John and help him get up.

"Thanks Mikey" John said and he started to walk over to Natalie and Nick. But before he got there, Mikey grabbed his arm and stood in front of him.

"Get out of my way Michael" John demanded to Michael as he tried to get by him.

" No John I can't let you do this" Michael told John not budging

"Michael, I'm not trying to make this worse, I just need Natalie to know the truth, that I've always loved her" John says with a determined look on his face

"Well John now the whole town knows, not that they didn't already know it, but now you've just confirmed what everyone's been seeing for the past few years." Michael said while searching the look in John's eyes. John tries to again get by Michael.

"Not now John, don't do this to her now" Michael said

"When then Mikey, when, If I don't get a chance tonight I may never get a chance again. If you thought I was bad when you visited me in Ac last month just wait till you see me if I don't get a chance to talk to her now" John said as Michael continued to look really close into John's eye's, he saw something in them, something he hadn't seen in a long time, a determination, a look telling Michael that John was gonna go all the way with this, he wasn't giving up. Michael gave him a small smirk and he moved out of his way.

Meanwhile by the bar Nick and Natalie were having a bit of a heated conversation.

"Did you know he was still in Love with you?" Nick asked Natalie starting to calm down.

"No, I didn't know Nick, can we please just forget this ever happened and just leave" Natalie said lying, not really lying cause before today she never had confirmed proof that he loved her.

John approached the two of them by the bar and Natalie looked passed Nick who had his back to John.

"Natalie, we need to talk" John told her as his eye's locked onto hers and they never wavered. Nick turned at the sound of his voice and was again ready to punch John when Natalie quickly moved in between the two men and took Nicks fist with her hands.

"Lets go Nick, please babe, it's not worth it, remember we're getting married in the morning, lets just go" Natalie told him staring into his eye's to try and calm him back down.

"Are we, are we still getting Married?" Nick asked as he looked at her. Natalie didn't say anything but she nodded yes.

"Let's go home and we'll talk, alright?" Natalie said, as John looked stunned. She wouldn't even give him a chance to talk, to tell her in private, to tell her how much he loved her and for how long. He reached out his hand to grab her arm when she and Nick walked past him but she moved her arm to fast for him.

"No John, not now" she told him as she moved away from him and she continued to walk with Nick out the door.

Everyone from the party decided to leave and john decided it was over, finally over, she made her decision, she knew enough of how he felt about her to make a choice and it wasn't him, she didn't pick him, she left with Nick. John took a seat at the bar when everyone got up and left, he called for the bartender to bring him a bottle of Jack Daniels and he sat their alone drinking for a few minutes till Michael joined him.

"So, I guess you're back to your old tricks are ya, gonna give up and get drunken and maybe get laid too." Michael told John in an unfriendly voice. John just glared towards Michael.

"Yup, if that's what it'll take to get me thru the day, then drinking and loose woman it is" John said feeling sorry for himself.

"You're some piece of work Brother, some freakin piece of work." Michael said shaking his head with disgust.

"Did ya think it was going to be so easy, just come in here and tell her you love her, and what? She should again make herself vulnerable and fall into your arms, give up a good thing cause you finally had the balls to tell her you loved her" Michael said hoping to get thru to John and get him out of the pity party that was going on in his head.

"Save the sermon for Sunday Mikey, and leave me alone" John screamed slightly into Mikey's ear. And then he turned his attention back towards his drink

"For a split second there I thought you had changed, I guess I was wrong. Good luck with the drinking and if you ever really love her enough to show her, let me know I might be able to help." Michael said giving up for tonight, giving up on trying yet again to get John to that place he had seem to be for the last few weeks, the self assured place John had been in since coming back to Llanview. John continued to drink as Michael left the bar.

Meanwhile

Nick drove Natalie back to Llanfair for the night, when they arrived at Llanfair Nick walked Natalie to the door. Natalie hesitated going into the house for a few minutes; she knew they had so much to talk about.

"Natalie, why are you marrying me? I mean, I'm not dumb, I see the way the two of you look at each other. do you love him ?" Nick asked as he looked into her eyes.

" I won't lie to you, you know that, I am still very much in love with him but.. but it doesn't mean I don't love you" Natalie said getting choked up inside.

"Lets not kid ourselves here Natalie, there won't be any wedding tomorrow, you just don't love me the same way you love him and my heart doesn't think you ever will." Nick said as he saw her take off her engagement ring and hand it back to him.

"Goodbye Babe" Nick said as he leaned in and gave her one last kiss on the lips.

"Goodbye Nick" she said as a few tears fell from her eyes.

Natalie stood on the stoop and watched as he pulled out of the driveway with his car. She hated herself for not loving him the way he so much deserved. She hated herself for thinking about John at this moment, about what he told her tonight, all the times she dreamt of him saying those three words to her and it was tonight, at her wedding rehearsal to another man. Damn him! She said to herself as she got into her car and drove to his room at the angel square hotel. She knocked on his door but no one answered. She waited a few minutes and then decided to leave him a note to meet her upstairs on the roof, their roof.

She walked out on the roof and walked over to the bench in the back and took a seat and waited for him and within a few minutes she started to remember all the good times up on the roof. The first time they made love, the way they would just sit up there and watch the sunrise. Damn him! She said again knowing that she wasn't going to be able to avoid her feelings. He told her, he told her tonight, he confirmed what she thought she had already known, that he loved her. She smiled to herself knowing he wanted another chance, knowing now they could try again, knowing of the fact that he loved her.

John was so drunk that he could barely walk; there was no one around but some Blonde who was nice enough to catch him a few times when he almost fell off his chair. They spoke for a little while with casual conversation and the blonde realized John must have been in a lot of pain with the amount of alcohol she had just watched him consume within the short time she was there, the bartender called final call and John tried to get up off the chair on his own but couldn't without help, the blonde was nice enough to help him up.

"Is there anybody I can call for you? Anyone to come and get you?" she asked John as she helped to hold him up.

"Anyone toooooooo call, now that's funny" John told her in his drunken state.

"Well, you can't drive and I don't think you can walk by yourself, are you sure there isn't a love one I can call to come and get you" she again asked john

"Ha! She don't love me, nobody loves me, Natty don't even wanna hear it" John said with his heartbreaking and the woman could see that it was bothering him.

"Okay, okay, can you tell me where you live at least, I'll take you home " the nice woman said and she helped him to his car and drove to the angel square hotel. The woman helped John up the stairs and up by his room.

Natalie had been up on the roof for a long time and she was starting to think he wasn't coming or hadn't seen her note when she decided to go down stairs to see if her note was still there.

Just as Natalie was turning the corner of the hall she heard voices. She looked towards his room and she saw them. John with some blonde.

"Alright big guy, your key's not in that pocket" the woman said as she was searching thru John's pocket for his room key, she had John pressed up against his door so she could hold him up while she looked for it, John couldn't keep his head up straight and it was leaning down towards the blonde's chest.

Natalie walked a little closer to them and John's head seem to almost be on the blonde's chest. The blonde saw her and was about to say something when Natalie spoke.

"I can't Fuckin believe you John, can't keep it in your pants, can Ya!" Natalie yelled at John and again the woman was about to say something but Natalie put up her hand and motioned for her not to bother. John heard Natalie's voice and he looked at her, he was so drunk but he smiled a small smile that she was there.

"Naaaaaaaaaatalie" John said and Natalie got even madder seeing the small smile on his face.

"Fuck You John" was all Natalie said as she left a drunken John and the blonde at the hotel.

When John woke the next day he moved a little to fast and he felt his throbbing head, he knew the pain for he felt it almost everyday for the last six months, he rolled onto his side and slowly got up. He looked down at himself and he was still in his clothes from last night. He made his way towards the bathroom for some aspirin and it came back to him, portions of it, portions of last night., he remembered Natalie was here, she was in the hall, but she was mad, their was a blonde. John remembered and shook his head disgusted with himself and knowing what Natalie thought. He knew why she was mad, she misunderstood, she thought he was going to sleep with the blonde, well of course she would have thought that, that was his pattern get drunk and screw anything that walks but it wasn't true, not last night and not anymore.

Yea, he got drunk after he felt rejected by her but after saying those words to her out loud, after realizing how much he had wanted to say those words to her, he couldn't, he couldn't just go off and have meaningless sex with a stranger. He had to tell her, tell her the truth, explain it to her, all of it; he needed to make her understand it. He looked at his watch, "shit" he said out loud. It was 10:30, the wedding started at 10. He grabbed his keys and ran all the way to St. Marks, which was a few blocks away. Running as fast as he could so he could stop her, stop it, stop the wedding and stop her from marrying Nick. He arrived at the church a few minutes later and he ran inside. He took a look around and it was empty. He was to late. He sat down in the back of the church and held his head in his hands.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

John sat with his head in his hands for almost an hour when he decided to leave. Leave the church and leave Llanview. It was over for him, for them, she had married Nick and he just couldn't stay in Llanview and watch them be happy, watch her be happy, and with another man. It would hurt him too much to witness it, and there would be nowhere to go to get away from it, they both worked at the station. He walked thru the park trying to figure out how he could have done things differently, how maybe he didn't try hard enough; maybe he didn't fight hard enough, smart enough. How maybe he gave up to soon. He should have forced her to talk to him last night at Rodi's. He should have shown her, maybe even asked Michael for some advice. He continued to walk when he stopped in front of Rodi's.

John looked inside of Rodi's thru the front window and looked towards the pool table. his mind flashed back to them. Them playing pool, the first time he had ever watched her move around the pool table, the first time he had ever touched her and felt her spark. The first time she was mad at him. He had touched her inviting waist with his hands and she freaked, she got mad and she was engaged to Chris at the time. John smiled to himself remembering that mad look she had on her face that day, that mad look he was fortunate enough to be on the other end of so many times, more times than he could count, and although they were mad and fighting a lot something rang true. She once told him that good or bad their eye's still held the fire, the fire for each other. That fire was what he thought would get them thru, thru all of this, he had been counting on it last night, the night when he told her he loved her, even the night that he left town. Somehow in his mind he left and still expected the fire in her eyes for him to remain the same, was he selfish to think that? He asked himself, had he been getting drunken night after night in AC been all about waiting for her? Knowing that, thinking that, taking for granted that the fire would be alive and never be put out?

Again he asked himself, was I selfish? Did I want her to do all the work? Continue to do all the work, the fact was that Natalie had been doing all the work in there relationship for the past three years, he had taken a back seat and let her drive. Except for the few brief things he had surprised her with before Chris came back. But what had he done for her, other than save her life, which was technically his job. Had he made her feel good? He asked himself. Cause she always made him feel good. Especially the night she had told him she loved him, that night he felt like he was on cloud nine, but what did he do that night? He showed her by making love to her, but he hadn't told her. It was one or the other with him, back then he showed her and had hoped she knew it, knew that he loved her, but now he said it and took it for granted that those words would be all she needed now, all she needed to fall back into his arms. Was he supposed to do both? Show her and tell her? Is that why he couldn't get thru to her, thru to her before she married Nick. Was Nick capable of both? He thought back to that night on the roof where he had watched them was that it? He knew how to show her and say it. John was confused and not sure if he was making any sense. His head was still hurting from his hang over when he decided to go into Rodi's. Maybe food would help, he told himself, not wanting to drink anymore right now but who knows, right after thinking about all he had done wrong maybe, maybe he'd drink again.

John walked up to the bar and ordered a burger and fries. He asked for bottled water and was about to walk over to a table when he heard someone playing pool. He heard the crisp sound of the balls scattering into all different pockets and for a second he had forgotten it couldn't' t be her. He quickly looked up towards the table and nope it wasn't her. But he knew who it was, it was the other man, her other husband, her ex husband, the one he had helped to break her heart. Christian stood playing pool alone when John approached him.

"Hey, how are ya? I thought Michael told me you moved to Philly a few months ago?" John said, as he got closer to the pool table.

"I did" Chris responded in a bitter tone. John and Chris watched each other for a few minutes, sizing each other up again like old times. Finally Chris spoke.

"I came back for the wedding" was all Chris said as he continued to play pool while John stood back and watched.

"Oh.. I bet she was a Beautiful bride," John said in almost a whisper

"She sure was, the most beautiful bride I had ever seen" Chris answered as John excused himself. John needed a drink, he needed something, anything to numb the pain, he didn't care if he was still hung over from last night, he didn't care, she was a beautiful bride, her ex husband said she was a beautiful bride, to be a beautiful bride you have to be happy, you have to be in Love. He walked over to the bar and slammed his money down on the counter.

"Bring me a bottle of JD" he demanded as he saw the bartender look behind him.

"Don't bring him anything" Bo said as he saw the state John was in.

"John, you can't drink now, I need you to come to work today, we're understaffed and I need help with a few unsolved cases that the governor 's putting pressure on me to solve" Bo said as John wanted to say no, he needed to say no. but he couldn't do that to Bo. Bo gave him his job back, he was giving him a second chance, but how was he going to get thru it with a married Mr. and Mrs. Casanoff working in the same precinct. He'd go for now, for today, for maybe a few days, few days till they were to come back from their honeymoon, then he'd leave, he'd help the best he could, then he'd leave.

John and Bo walked down a few blocks in silence and then they arrived at the station. Bo informed John that there was to be a meeting in Bo's office with all his key detectives to brief them and assign them cases that the governor wanted cleared up ASAP. John took a few minutes before the meeting and went to his old office that was now his once again. He looked around, he remembered sitting in his chair and being able to see her, see her smiling face as she sat and worked on her computer. He was brought out of his thoughts when an officer knocked on the door and told him it was time for the meeting in Bo's office.

John moved to the front of the office near Bo and sat with his back to the door as the other detectives gathered in.

"Alright, settle down, settle down men. I have four opened cases; I need everyone working together in two's. John I'll need you to work on one too, but new regulation say even if you're the chief of detectives you have to have a partner when working actual cases, i know it stinks but something about new protocol." Bo told his detectives and John as the detectives partner up and picked their cases. The one case that was left, Bo handed to John. John was about to open up his mouth about having to work it alone, alone the way he liked it when he was interrupted by Nick coming into the room.

"Sorry I'm late commish, I just got the message" Nick told Bo as he noticed John standing there holding a file. John saw Nick walk in and he was surprised, very surprised, were they not going on a honeymoon, was his job more important than spending a few days with Natalie or at least not working the day they got married.

"It's alright Nick. The rest of you can go get started" Bo told them and then he turned and motioned for John to stay.

"The two of you are gonna have to work on the Davis rape case together and I don't want any problems, got it" Bo told them and the two men shook their heads and slowly walked out of his office. The two men walked over by one of the desks and stood facing each other.

"You heard the commish, we have to work together on this case so I'm willing to put my feelings of hatred for you away so we can do our jobs, can you do the same?" Nick told John as their eye's searched each other's for a sign of weakness.

"I don't know if I can, my hatred for you just grows more and more and now to think you left your bride on her wedding day to come into work" John said as they both heard a noise come from behind them. They looked to see Natalie kneeling on the floor to pick up the files she had just dropped when she saw them together.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7 

"Nick, you don't have to help, help me pick up the pieces any more remember?" Natalie told him, as she looked him in the eyes.

John saw her and he didn't know what to make of it, she was at work too. No, why? He asked himself, then he listened to their conversation, what did she mean by he didn't have to help her anymore, not with picking up the pieces. Then he listened some more to what they were saying.

"I'm sorry, it's.. it's just a habit" Nick said as he got up off the floor and walked back over towards John who had figured it out. The great chief of detective john Mcbain figured out they never got married they weren't even still engaged. He came to that conclusion as he searched her hand, searched it with his eagle eye's, no ring, there was no ring on her finger, not even her engagement ring. Yay! He said inside as a light went on in his head. He still held a chance; he still had a chance to be with her, she still loved him that must have been why she called off the wedding. He walked away from Nick as he saw she was still gathering papers from the floor. He bent down to help her, and that was when he realized, realized that it was going to take more to getting her back than picking up pieces.

"Leave them alone John, I can do it myself" she told him with an intense stare telling him to back off. John backed up a little and then continued to pick up papers.

"I said I can do it myself, leave them alone" Natalie told him sternly

"Natalie, I'm only trying to help"

"I think you've helped enough, thank you" she said bitterly and she grabbed the few papers he had gathered in his hand from him. John was shocked, oh, well not really shocked cause this was Natalie his Natalie, defensive and rebellious when she was hurt. She was also reckless and he prayed he'd be able to make things right with her before she did something stupid. John stood back up as did she when she finished gathering all her papers. They looked at each other but said not words. Nick noticed the intense stares and all the bitter words towards John from Nat and he shook his head. He was so sure she'd run to him last night, run back to him, had he been wrong? He stood there and listened as he heard John finally say something to Natalie.

"You didn't get married? You didn't marry him today did ya?" John asked after a few minutes of silence, he knew the answer but he wanted confirmation on it, he wanted nothing misunderstood.

"Wow! You are good Lt. Mcbain" Natalie said to John as she took herself and went over to her desk to sit and get some work done. John followed her over and Nick observed from a distance.

"I think we need to talk, can we go get lunch and talk?" John asked her as he saw she was about to protest but she stopped herself.

"You know what? I think maybe we should, we should talk, because I think we need to clear the air, come clean, start fresh, but not lunch. I have plans for lunch today. After work." Natalie told John as she saw John get a little excited about her wanting to talk.

John nodded his head and walked away with hope, hope in his eye's, in his face, on his mind, she wanted to work things out with him, she wanted a fresh start. His excitement was short lived as he went over by Nick to walk towards his office to discuss the case when Nick and John both saw the man approach Natalie.

The man had blonde hair and was taller than both nick and John. He had blue eyes and he smiled at her the minute he walked in the room. They seem to know each other and then Natalie grabbed her purse and left with the man. She called out to one of the officers whose desk was right outside of Bo's that she was taking lunch.

John and Nick both looked at them leave and then back at each other.

"Do you know that guy?" John asked Nick

"No, you don't either?" Nick asked and he shook his head no.

"You know all of a sudden I'm real hungry," John said heading for the door to follow them

"Me too" Nick said he walked a few feet behind John.

John and Nick followed Natalie and the man to an apartment complex, Natalie and the man went in and they tailed behind them. They watched as they went into an apartment on the second floor. They were listening closely and they thought they heard the man say welcome to my place, and what? Did he just say they didn't have much time today so they should go straight into the bedroom? John and Nick moved a little closer to the door when they heard those words. They listened by the door. Curious to the fact that Natalie and this man knew each other and what they would be doing in the bedroom. Well really they were hoping what they wouldn't doing in the bedroom. John started thinking maybe she was being reckless, this must be the reckless part of Natalie, this guy must have latched on to her somewhere and know that she was feeling betrayed and she didn't have Nick she was turning to him, this guy, this playboy, this..this.. John heard a scream come from the apartment and he turned to Nick and they both without hesitation agreed and pushed the door open. They heard Natalie scream again and they ran thru the apartment to find her. They ran into the bedroom and they saw the man had his arms around her slightly. When Natalie saw John and Nick her face changed from fear to anger.

John grabbed the man and he pushed him up against the wall. Nick went behind John to reinforce what John was telling the man.

"Touch her again, and you're dead. Understand me" John told the man as Nick chimed in.

"What he won't do to ya I will" Nick said as they turned when they heard Natalie

"What the hell are the two of you doing? Put him down"

"Now!" she told them and they did, John dusted the man off with an I'll beat the shit out of you next time look.

"Danny, I'm so sorry, so sorry. these..these.. men are ..are cops from where I work and I guess they thought you were taking advantage of me" Natalie said to Danny as she smiled trying to ease over the situation. Danny regained himself and his charm.

"Well I would have tried if I thought it would've worked" Danny said with a smile and a wink.

"I've got somewhere else I've gotta get to, I'll leave the keys inside on the kitchen counter, good luck, I'll call you in a few days." Danny said as he walked passed John and Nick who were at first fuming but then realized yet again a misunderstanding had occurred.

"What the hell… Who the hell do you guys think you are?" Natalie asked both of them.

"Natalie, I..I.." Nick trailed off hearing her anger

"No, Nick I'll deal with you later, John and I need to get a few things straight." Natalie told Nick and Nick told John he'd meet him back at the station.

" How dare you John, how dare you follow me and barge in like that, I don't exactly understand why you think you have the right. The right to do these things and to threaten that man shit John, what the hell is wrong with you?" Natalie asked as John wasn't taking her seriously, he was alone with her finally, finally alone with her. He would make her listen to him, listen now. He smiled to himself as he started walking around the apartment. He used his great detective skills and realized it was unfurnished; she must be moving out of Llanfair.

"Nice place, is it yours?" John said wanting to get her out of her anger for a few minutes so they could have their heart to heart talk. He smiled when she saw her soften and forget for awhile.

"Yeah, it really is nice and it's all mine" Natalie said as she too started walking around looking, trying to figure out where she was going to put her stuff.

"Hey, why'd ya scream?" John asked casually.

" Not that it's any of your business but, I saw a spider" Natalie told him a little embarrassed

"Still afraid of spiders are ya?" John asked shaking his head, Natalie wasn't afraid of much, she had grown up in a home she had told him that had mice and even a rat occasionally but spiders she was afraid of. John shook his head and walked in the living room of the apartment.

"That spot would be perfect" John said as he pointed and walked over to a spot on the other end of the living room.

" Perfect for what?" Natalie asked looking at the spot near the window overlooking the view of a flower garden in the back of the complex.

"For your favorite thing, a pool table" John said and he smiled.

"You know I probably could ask Mac to give it back to you, I know it's been there for a long time but, maybe you could ask him, he has a soft spot for you, you know. Then we'd be able to play anytime we wanted." John said knowing he was about to see her fire ignite. He was purposely trying to get a heated response from her.

"Excuse me! What did you mean by that last comment? Do you expect to be here with me when I play pool? I think it's time for that talk John" Natalie said as she walked over to him, he was still standing over by the window. He turned and stared at her for a minute before either spoke.

"I'll go first...I.. I need to tell you why I came back.. why.. well.. umm.. I came back for you Natalie, back from AC and you kinda gave me a wake up call when you visited me at O'Malley's. when I left six months ago.. when we.. when I lost you, I lost another piece of me, a big piece of me, I had loved you without realizing it for so long, you were, you are a big piece of my life, and then I lost it, I lost you, all the pieces became jumbled, sort of like my mind right now and none of it fits, none of them fit." John told her never wavering his eye's form hers

"John, you had missing pieces before I even came along, I wasn't the reason behind you losing it, them, you were" Natalie told him

"True, but losing you just pushed me over the edge, I mean.. You are it for me, you were the only reason I had to keep it together, seeing you, talking to you, whether being your friend or your lover I needed you around always. Even if I couldn't have you the way I always dreamt of having you, as long as we were near, as long as I knew where you were and that you were safe, I could deal with the longing for you, but then.. Then I had a taste of what we could be, we were together and it was probably the most fantastic feeling I've ever felt, but there was this thing between us, this lie and I knew it was all going to end. And it did. You completely shut me out, no more friendship, no more anything." John said as he started to pace the floor running his hands thru his hair

"But John, I tried after that. I forgave you, and I wanted to try, you didn't., you didn't do anything. you stood around and lost it ." Natalie told him as she watched him stop walking and look at her.

"I know, I know, I guess I thought maybe you deserved more, better"

"Bullshit! You wanted me to do it all! You didn't want to be a man and try and make up for things, why? Why not even try? Chris was still trying, but you.. You gave up. I loved you and I tried again with you but I couldn't do it all." Natalie said never wavering her eyes from his

"My father, Caitlyn, you. Three people that I loved very much all in different ways and I guess I just thought that sooner or later I'd end up losing you again. I'm not sure if this is even making sense.. But I thought maybe if I didn't try so hard, maybe you'd do what you did and give up, give up on me like everyone else had, you'd leave now before I got in even deeper, before I learned to express to you how I really felt about you. It was better to think you hated me and moved on with someone else then to feel the pain of losing you if I had you. I know.. I'm not making sense again.. I just can't get the words right!" John walked around the room emotionally exhausted from trying to find the right words.

" What is it you want from me John, do you even know? Do you want to be my friend? Do you want to be my lover? Do you want to just be acquaintances? What!" Natalie asked him while stepping in front of him causing him to look at her and stop moving around the room.

"I want you to be mine, all mine with no interferences from ghosts, from ex husbands, from... from" John said while searching her eye's for her fire, her fire for him, his words were cut off by hers

"Why now John, why now? How come the change, the change since I saw you in AC with the blonde, since I saw you drunk"

" I don't know Natalie, I don't know, it's like I realized something that night, that I had been trying so hard to push you away, away from my heart completely that I was destroying myself in the process, and all for nothing, cause I can't and I won't get you out of my heart. If I did I'd die, there would be too much of it missing, too many pieces gone and it would collapse. I missed you the whole time I was gone, the whole time I ached to know what you were doing, I ached to see you, but I..I drank instead of feeling; I slept around and imagined it was you. That way I could fool myself into thinking I still had a piece of you, a piece in my heart. I was a fool Natalie, a fool." John said taking a break; this was emotionally exhausting for him. He hadn't laid his feelings out like this for anyone ever.

"Natalie just tell me, tell me what I have to do, do for us to be together again. Cause I'll do it, anything, what ever it is, I need them back, I need the pieces of my heart, I can't afford to lose anymore of them, I can't afford to lose you again." John said as he watched her, watched her think, she thought for a few moments and looked confused.

"That's it John, I just don't know, i don't know anymore. I mean.. See I had this great guy after you walked away, this great guy who loved me and I sort of loved him to, or at least I convinced myself I loved him, but I couldn't completely, I haven't been able to get you out of my heart since I met you, and I wanted to, I still want to.. I just don't know how to, even when Chris was released from prison, you were in my heart, I didn't want my husband I wanted you even if I was mad at you. but it can't be, I realized that this isn't a good thing, we aren't a good thing, and I need closure to it before, before maybe I let another great guy get away." Natalie told him not just with her words but with her body language

"I don't understand the problem Natalie, I still want you and I've admitted it now, I've admitted that I love you and you still love me. Why? Why look for another great guy when one is standing right in front of you, one that you already Love" John said as he took his hands and placed them on the cheeks of her face. He stared into her eyes, they were glassy and he leaned in and kissed her. It was a soft gentle kiss that sent chills up and down Natalie's spine. After the kiss Natalie pushed away from him.

"Why then? Why the woman at your hotel room last night? You had just told me you loved me earlier and then when I let my guard down again, when I remembered all the good times and I go to tell you I wasn't going to marry Nick, why? Why pick up the first broad you see and take her back to your place." Natalie asked as she pulled his hands off her cheeks.

"Natalie, you jumped to the wrong conclusion with that one, I was drunk, but I couldn't, I wouldn't, I couldn't not anymore, I wouldn't sleep with anyone ever again and pretend it was you, you are what I want and I'm not going to stop till I have you again. All of you. Not till I have all the pieces of my heart back again. I love you Natalie" John said as he again took her lips, this time anxiously, he deepened the kiss and he felt her, felt her respond to it this time. As they continued to deepen their kisses, their hands found each other's bodies. John's went to Natalie's back and they moved backwards till Natalie was up against the living room wall.

Natalie's brain wasn't in charge any longer, her heart was, her desire for him was. She pushed him back gently and started on the buttons of his shirt. John's hands quickly went to her shirt as he pulled it up by its hem causing her to stop with his buttons. She looked into his desire filled eye's and licked her lips wanting more, much more, she felt him grab her breasts with his hands and then she felt his mouth also attack the top of them over her bra. She leaned her head back slightly again against the wall and she couldn't believe how he was once again making her feel, how she felt like she was on fire, she felt like she was going to explode if she didn't have him inside her. She went for his belt and she.. She.. Stopped. Her brain pushed all thoughts and desires out of her. He felt her become motionless, he felt her stop.

"What's wrong?' John asked her as he stared into her eyes and didn't even attempt to move his arms that had her pinned against the wall.

"It's just.. it's just to soon, I mean it's happening to fast, I need time to process all of this, all that you've said, I can't afford for this to be a mistake. I don't feel it's right emotional or physically." Natalie told him as she tried to break away from his arms that still had her pinned.

"I need to go, let me go" she said gently still looking into his eye's.

"I won't let you run away from me, I can't let you" John told her

"I won't be running, I'll be walking, but not away from you, not away from us, just taking a short stroll till I figure out in my head if it can trust my heart, trust it around you and even if it wants too, and until. until.." Natalie said a little hesitantly

"Until what Natalie? What?" John asked

"Until I know that my body won't be harmed by the choices you've made over the last six months."

"What? I'm not following you here Natty" John asked confused as to where this was going

"I won't be letting any piece of your body inside mine till...till I know for sure"

"You've definitely lost me here" John asked still very much in the dark

"For sure that your clean. I mean.. I don't know who or what you had relations with when you were thinking of me and ... and "

"Natalie you don't have to worry about that" John told her finally realizing she was worried about what he could've picked up from one of the woman he slept with.

"But yes I do, you might not have cared about who you were with but I'm not going to put my health and my body in jeopardy because your ways of dealing with how you felt about me were misguided. I care about myself too much to take that chance" Natalie said as John finally released his arms that were pinning her. John took a few steps back

"What do you want me to do Natalie be tested?" John asked and before Nat could answer yes her cell phone rang.

"Ignore it" John said as she pulled it out of her pocket and looked at the caller Id

"I can't it's Jess, she's too close to her due date with the baby" Natalie said as she answered it. She spoke to Jess quickly and then hung up.

"I've gotta go, she's in labor and I'm her Lamaze coach." Natalie said as she headed to the door without a second glance at John.

"Wait I'll drive you" John said running behind her.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8 

" I don't understand why? Why isn't Antonio or that Nash guy her coach?" John asked Natalie as he drove her in his car to the hospital to meet Jessica and her family

"Think about it John, she still isn't sure which one of them is the father, Tess destroyed the test results from the amnio and they felt it was to dangerous to take another one." Natalie said as she faced him while he drove

"So, you were doing your sisterly duty and agreed to be her coach"

"Agreed, I volunteered, I mean.. I don't see myself having any of my own in the near future so I wanted to experience having a baby thru Jess, don't get me wrong I wanted to be there for her any way possible but it's suppose to be an amazing experience to see a baby come into this world, to see new life being born." Natalie said as John could hear the excitement in her voice when she spoke about seeing her sister's baby being born.

"What do you mean you don't see it happening anytime in the near future, you were going to marry Nick, weren't the two of you planning to have children." John asked as he gave her a quick glance before reverting his attention back to the road.

"Nope, not really, Nick never really said he wanted them and I.. I.. I guess I just never pushed cause I couldn't see myself having them with him. I guess that should have been my first clue that I shouldn't marry him, that maybe I didn't love him the right way." Natalie answered him staring out the front windshield window. She knew why she had forgiven up her dream of having children and it was because of John, because she had pictured them having children one day and when things didn't work out she just couldn't see it happening with Nick, or with anyone else for that matter.

John didn't know what else to say when she spoke about not seeing herself with kids, this wasn't Natalie, she wanted kids, she had always wanted kids, she had wanted them when she was married to Chris, he had known for a fact that she had longed for having a few kids and raising them the right way. To be the kind of mom Roxy was never to her. He was reminded of a time when he saw her with kids, in a vision in his head, an amazing vision in his head. A boy and a girl. That vision was what convinced him, made him keep Chris' secret, made him lie to her over and over, it also was what drew him closer to her all along. For he wanted it too, children that was, and he knew deep down inside she would be the only one he would ever want to have them with. They arrived at the Hospital and John drove to the front so she could jump out while he would go park the car.

"I'll drop you here and I'll go park" John told her, as she was about to jump out quickly

"You don't have too, the ride was enough, thank you" Natalie said basically telling him she could handle things herself, she didn't want him there, she didn't want to give him the wrong impression, she didn't want him to think she needed him, not like that anymore. She jumped out of the car before he could say another word.

John parked the car and went in to find her anyway, anyway although she didn't ask him, although she didn't need him too. Although she acted like she didn't want him there he would be there anyway just incase.

He walked down the hall to the labor and delivery area and he caught a quick glance of her with scrubs on going into one of the rooms. He took a seat and waited for a few minutes when Michael passed by.

"Hey bro, how are ya?" Michael asked as he took a seat next to him.

"Fine Mikey"

"I see the hang over didn't last to long this time, your body must be adjusting to having all that alcohol in it."

"Not now Mikey, not now"

"Okay, okay, what's going on? Are ya sick or did ya maybe get someone pregnant?" Michael asked joking and John didn't think it was funny.

"Alright, alright, then why are you really here and in Labor and delivery ward?" Michael asked

"Natalie's here, Jess' is having her baby, and I.. I just want to be here in case she needs me"

"Oh, I see... I see.. Then you know about Nat and Nick then" Michael said and John confirmed with a nod of his head.

"Natalie and I have .. well.. I think maybe we have worked a few things out.. maybe.."

"Okay, did you or didn't you?" Michael asked confused.

"Not really a 100 sure here Mikey, not sure" John said thinking about their earlier conversation and he was confused as to where they stood, they got a few things out in the open but there was still so much more to be worked on.

"That's good news then, right? Sort of good then?" Michael added as saw the look of hope on John's face

"Yeah, it's a start, a good start" John told him with a small grin. The men were silent for a few minutes till Michael spoke again.

" You know I just checked on Jessica, it's gonna be awhile, hours, quite a few she's barely dilated"

"What's dilated, and how many hours do ya think?" John asked

" Well dilation has to occur so the baby can come out of the cervix"

"Stop right there Michael, I really don't think I want to know, if it's gonna be that long then I think I'll come back" John said goodbye to Michael and was about to leave when he stopped and went back over to him.

"Hey, do you think maybe you can do your brother here a few favors" John asked Michael.

Natalie was in the labor room with Jessica and she didn't look good, Jessica didn't look good, she was pale and could barely handle the pain.

"Honey, let me ask the nurse for something for you, I think you're in too much pain, lets see about an epidural" Natalie told Jessica as she held Jessica's hand while another contraction came on.

" No, I can do this" Jessica told Nat as she squeezed Nat's hand even harder than before.

"Jess, it doesn't mean you failed if you need a little help" Natalie told her and Jess shook her head for Natalie to ask the nurse for her.

"Excuse, excuse me my sister's in a lot of pain and she wants an epidural" Natalie asked the nurse as the nurse informed her she would tell her doctor when he came in again in a few minutes to check on her. After a few more minutes the doctor came in to check on Jessica. Natalie continued to hold her hand when while the doctor was examining her, all of a sudden Natalie felt jess' hand go loose. She looked and Jess was unconscious. She screamed for the doctor and he checked both Jess' stats and the baby's fetal monitor to make sure the baby wasn't under any distress. Jess seem to be okay and the doctor assured her she would probably wake in a few minutes, she was probably just resting, all of a sudden jess woke briefly and spoke to Natalie.

"Take care of her for me till I'm well, promise me Natalie, promise me' Jess told her and Natalie got frightened. There was something wrong, she felt it, shit, she saw it.

"Jess, Jess," Natalie said as she started to panic

"Promise me Nat" Jessica asked her one last time.

"I will Jess, I will, but you're going to be all right, you will" Natalie told her as she screamed for the doctor who was checking to see if the baby was coming along.

"Something's wrong, something's wrong with her" she told the doctor and the nurse but they calmed her and tried to explain that this happened sometimes, that she could still have the baby, that woman use to have the baby this way all the time back in the day. Natalie wasn't having it, no; she knew something was wrong with her twin. She felt it. All of a sudden the baby's fetal monitor was alarmed. It kept beeping. Natalie didn't know what was going on, they pushed her out of the way and started prepping her for something, she heard someone say C-section, emergency C and they told her to leave.

"No! No way! I'm not going anywhere" Natalie insisted and they let her stay. Natalie watched as Jessica's blood pressure monitor started to now beep. It was beeping louder and louder. Next she heard one of the other doctors who had came into the room scream. " Get it out now, or we'll lose them both".

Natalie stood frozen for a few minutes numb not really sure what to do or to say, she walked over to the bed while they were trying to quickly get the baby out without any harm and she took Jess' hand and held it, it was cold and she was frightened for her sister and for her sisters baby. Next thing Natalie remembered was crying, she was out, the baby was out and she was crying loudly, which was a good sign. A nurse took Natalie's niece and checked her quickly and handed her swaddled in a blanket to Natalie as she quickly returned to help with Jessica.

Natalie held her niece and looked into her eyes, Jessica's eye's, she had her twin's eyes. Next thing she remembered was the nurse escorting her out of the room under protest.

"No, I'm not leaving my sister, I won't leave her"

"Ms, the doctors need room to work and we need to get that baby checked out by the pediatrician on call, now i heard what your sister told you, and I think she probably wants you to watch over your niece first. The doctors are very good they'll stabilizer her pressure and then come and talk to you and your family." the nurse convinced Natalie with her words to leave Jessica's side and she went with the nurse to the nursery to wait for the pediatrician to check the baby.

It all was happening so fast, Natalie couldn't get a handle on it, she was putting on a strong front and now she had to tell her family. Tell them that the baby was born but that Jessica wouldn't wake up. It had been a few hours in the process of everything and she still hadn't woken up yet. The doctors stabilized her pressure but she put herself into some sort of self-induced coma. She put herself into it some how, or was it Tess that pushed her into it. The doctors didn't know for sure why and although they said her stats were fine she still didn't wake. Natalie had to tell them but she didn't know how, she left her niece with the nurse to feed and she headed over to the waiting room with one of the doctors, one of the doctors thought it best to help her tell the family all the particulars of what was going on.

Natalie walked out into the waiting room and everyone looked up to see, see her upset face, she just couldn't help it, she looked at them with tears in her eye's.

"Natalie darling what's wrong? Is it the baby? " Vicky asked and Natalie shook her head no.

"It's.. it's.. it's Jess" was all Natalie could get old when she left them all standing there. Natalie ran, ran as fast as she could, she ran out of the hospital.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9 

John had gone back to work for a few hours waiting for Michael to give him a call when he knew something about Jessica. He wanted to be there for Natalie, Natalie had been so excited about Jessica having her baby and about being apart of it. Witnessing it first hand. He wanted to share the joy with her, they shared so much misery, he wanted to be there for her with the happiness too, he wanted to show her he could be there for that type of stuff too and that he wanted too. He was still very much unsure of where they still stood but he knew one thing, if he got anything out of their heart to heart talk earlier it was that she still loved him, even if she didn't want to. He was sure of it, now he just had to figure out away for them to get back to where they once were, or even better, a new place. What they had before was jaded with lies, a new trust, a new understanding, a new place.

Another hour or so went by and he hadn't heard from Michael, Michael said he would call but if things got busy at the hospital he might not be able to. John decided to call his cell phone but got his voice mail. While he was leaving a message Nick walked into his office.

"What can I help you with Nick?" john asked as he put his cell phone in his pocket

"I hate asking this and I figure you probably don't know but.. but the Buchanan's asked me if Natalie was here and If I had seen her. I haven't, so I don't know if you had or not" Nick asked John

"Last I saw Natalie she was at the hospital, Jess was having her baby, but that was hours ago. Is something wrong with Natalie? The baby? Jessica?" John asked getting panicky that something was wrong with Natalie, maybe even the baby or Jess.

"Well, it seems the baby was born and there was complications.. Jessica's in a coma and.. and .. Natalie witnessed the whole thing, her sister.. She is suppose to be taking care of the baby.. Jessica had asked her to before she fell into the coma and Natalie took off, no one has been able to find her in a few hours, they're really worried." Nick trailed off worried himself about Natalie and what had occurred.

John didn't say anything else to Nick. He grabbed his jacket and ran out of the station. He knew right where she would be, where she always went when she was upset or even scared. He drove as fast as he could to the Buchanan cabin.

John arrived at the cabin and he knocked on the door, she didn't answer so he tried the lock and it was open. He went in and called for her, she didn't answer and then he walked into the living room and he saw her, she was sitting in front of the fireplace bundled up with a blanket but there was no fire burning. She looked lost in her own little world and he gently approached her.

"Natalie, Natalie, talk to me, please talk to me" John said as he leaned down into her back

Natalie just sat on the floor silent. John got down on the floor with her and put his arms around her, he pulled her back close to his chest and he held her. She didn't resist. She could never resist his arms, his warmth, the warmth she needed at this moment. After a few minutes he spoke to her.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" he asked as he turned her face to look at his. She shook her head no.

"I'm here for you Nat, you know that right? I'm here for you. but..but.. that baby, Jessica's baby it needs you, you Nat, it needs you till Jess is better and she can take care of her baby herself" John said trying to get thru to her, trying cause he knew if Natalie didn't get back to that hospital soon and if something happened to either one of them Natalie would feel regret the rest of her life.

"There's plenty of people there to take care of her, she doesn't need me" Natalie spoke in almost a whisper

"That's not true, Jess needs you, and so does her baby" John reassured her

"I was talking about her baby, it was a girl, a beautiful baby girl and my sister didn't even get to hold her, I did, I was the first person to hold her but Jess didn't get to." Natalie said refusing to shed the tears forming in her eyes.

"Natalie, Jess wanted you to take care of her for a reason right? Isn't Jess a smart person? She knew you'd take care of her daughter and not let anything happen to her. Now we really have to get you back there, they need you" John told her as he stroked the back of her hair

"No, I'm not going" Natalie said softly almost a whisper. John turned Nat's head gently but quickly and made her look him in the eyes.

"Natalie, your acting like a child now, now get your ass up and stop being so selfish, you need to do this." John told her sternly. Being nice and supportive didn't always work with Natalie and he knew it. Sometimes getting her pissed off was the only way to get thru to her.

"Who the hell are you to tell me I'm being a child and selfish, screw you Mcbain" Natalie said as she got up from the floor and without a second glance she went out to her car and headed to the hospital to take care of her sisters baby.

Natalie arrived at the hospital and John trailed a few minutes behind her. He followed her the whole way back to Llanview in his car. Natalie walked into the waiting area in the Maternity ward for which she was told they moved Jessica to just in case she woke, that way she would be close to her baby. As Natalie approached the sitting area she noticed a confrontation of some sort between her family, Nash and Antonio.

"What's going on? Is Jessica and the baby alright?" She asked as she approached them.

"The Baby's fine, and Jess is still in a coma" Clint told Natalie as he reached over and gave her a quick hug assuring her he was happy she decided to come back

"Then what's going on?" Natalie looked between her dad and the other men standing there.

"We just got the results of the baby's paternity, it's neither Nash nor Antonio's baby." Clint informed Natalie, Natalie took a few minutes and she was shocked.

"What? How could that be?" Natalie asked trying to figure things out.

" We figured when she was Tess, well we know she slept with other men," Antonio answered disappointment in his voice.

"So what's all the commotion then, what the hell are all of you fighting about?" Natalie asked as she again took a look at the man around her.

"Nash wants another test run, he says it's impossible not to be his. We don't want to have to subject the baby to any more tests if it's not necessary." Clint told Natalie and he looked at her and then he glanced back at Nash.

"She won't be having anymore tests, my niece will not being having another one, you got your answer" Natalie said straight into Nash's face and then she walked passed everyone and went to the nursery to see her niece. John had walked in just in time to see Natalie, being Natalie and setting Nash straight on the baby's paternity test.

A few minutes later the nurse and Natalie brought the baby down to Jess' room. Natalie had insisted that she and her niece would be in Jess' room when she woke, and that Natalie would take care of her in the room so maybe, maybe the baby might help to wake jess up from her coma.

it was later that night and everyone had gone home but before he did Asa had pulled some strings an got another bed put in Jessica's room for Natalie. John had stayed most of the night just hanging around with the Buchanan's not wanting to leave Natalie.

Sometime in the middle of the night after waking up in one of the uncomfortable waiting room chairs John walked to Jessica's room to see Natalie. He looked in thru the door and saw her. Natalie was sitting in the rocker Asa had put in their room, she was holding the baby. she was talking to her, and he saw a single tear fall down her cheek. Natalie glanced up at John for a second when she noticed him move into the room and then she looked back down at niece in her arms.

"She's beautiful isn't she?" Natalie asked him as she played with the baby's fingers.

"She sure is" John answered and he saw Natalie shed another tear.

"I was pregnant once, I've never told anyone that," Natalie said looking into John's eyes.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10 

"I was pregnant once, I've never told anyone that " Natalie told John as she continued to rock the baby. John walked closer to her as Natalie began to again speak as a few more tears began to fall.

"I was stupid enough to give in one night, one night, hell I it was my first time, no one gets pregnant on the first time, what a stupid line and I just fell for it, me smart street wise me, he was older, much older, and well... I... was stupid. I'm not sure If I was sixteen yet or not but It was close to my birthday, I found out ...and lets just say I was shocked, angry at myself for being so dumb. I didn't know what to do, I mean... I was freaking fifteen almost sixteen and I had no one, I couldn't count on Roxy, I had been taking care of myself since I was five and what was I going to do with a baby, how could I give it food, give it shelter, care for it, I barely had those things myself. So I told no one, I stole some money from Roxy's casino fund jar, she was so drunk all the time she didn't even miss it. I made the appointment and was on my way to the clinic on Ninth Street when I stopped a few blocks away. I started breathing quickly and heavy as if I was hyperventilating, I sat on a bench, I concentrated on getting my breathing under control and when I did I knew... I knew it was because I couldn't do it, couldn't go thru with it" Natalie said as the tears continued to fall slowly down her cheek. The baby had fallen asleep and she continued to rock her. John walked even closer and met her eyes, he knew she needed and wanted to get this out.

"So I went back home, still not knowing what to do.. What was the best thing for me or for the baby I was now carrying. I mean.. I didn't know what to do John, I was barely sixteen, still in High school having a baby of a guy I barely knew, I had life in me ..a life.. how could I have ever thought about giving that up, getting rid of it." Natalie said shaking her head slightly

"You were young and scared Natalie, you shouldn't beat yourself up about that." John said continuing to meet her eye's.

"I know John but.. but.. I still didn't know what to do, I had no other choice, none, I had to do what was best for the baby growing inside me. I had to think about that baby and I couldn't bring myself to get rid of it, so I decided to have it. I hid the entire pregnancy under baggy clothes and no one knew, I started going to the clinic on a regular basis to make sure everything was alright with the baby and I even starting taking those nasty vitamins. Every day that went by, every month that went by I was falling more and more in love with this little life growing inside me. I would feel it move inside me and it was an indescribable feeling, I would sit for hours just waiting for the baby to move, move inside of me. until...until one day not far from when the baby was suppose to be born, I didn't feel it. There was no movement, not the entire day. I felt nothing, all I felt was a lose .. and.. and the dream of having someone to love and love me back was lost that day along with the baby. " Natalie said as she watched John's eye's become glassy like hers. Natalie waited a few minutes as a few more tears fell down her cheek. She gently caressed the face of the sleeping baby in her arms as she started to again speak.

" They took her out of me to make it easier on me. I..I didn't get to hold her, or even see her, I only knew she was a girl cause one of the nurses told me. The doctor at the clinic took care of it; I had known him since I was a little girl. I just left the clinic a few days later like nothing ever happened. I don't think I ever went back there again, to that clinic, I never even went passed it ever again." Natalie said as she continued to softly move her fingers on the baby's cheeks feeling her soft skin. she looked up and again looked into John's eye's before she spoke.

"I had thought about it.. and I took all that had happened as Gods way of telling me, telling me I wasn't fit to have a baby, not then , maybe not ever" Natalie said continuing to stare into John's eye's

" That's not true Nat, maybe it was just a test, " John said moving a little closer to her and the baby.

"A test?" Natalie asked softly and confused

"Yeah, maybe to see how strong you were, to see how much you could endure, to see what type of person you were" John spoke softly moving even closer

"I don't know... but all I know is.. it was for the best, best for me, for my baby, for what could I have given that baby, I didn't know I was a Buchanan yet , I had nothing, what did I have to offer a baby, what do I have now to offer this baby if my sister doesn't ever wake up" Natalie said as she looked down giving the baby a quick glance before refocusing her eye's on John's

"Natalie, you have so much to offer" John said as a nurse came in the room and cleared her throat. Natalie wiped away a few tears left on her cheeks. The nurse took the baby to the nursery for her routine check. John and Natalie continued to stare at one another, Natalie was still in the rocker with her hands resting on her stomach and John placed his hand a top of hers, he kneeled down in front of her.

"Love, you have so much Love to offer " John said as he reached up with his thumb to wipe away her tears as they started to fall again. He leaned in, as did she and he wrapped his arms around her. He held her as she freed herself of all her tears, tears that were building for the child she was all those years ago and for the child that had never been.

"I never told anyone, I never told anyone" was all Natalie could say as she let him hold her while she cried.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 

John was still holding Natalie almost a half hour later when the nurse again cleared her throat to get their attention. John and Natalie broke apart and john got up off the floor. He walked away for a few minutes as the nurse brought the baby back into the room.

John stood by the door as the nurse handed Nat the baby and then she went over to Jessica in the bed and checked her, she spoke to Natalie for a few minutes and John watched, he stood back and opened his eye's wide and he saw her, he saw Natalie the extraordinary person she was. He thought about what she had just told him, he thought about how he thought he knew her and knew her so well yet.. yet there were things, lots of things he didn't seem to know, things no one probably knew. His heart ached for her as she told him the story, the story of being pregnant and getting attached to a child growing inside her and then to only lose it. The loneliness she must have been feeling not to be able to trust anyone with the truth of her pregnancy. Not to feel like she had anyone to turn to, anyone to love her. His heart ached for her today, for having to relive it, for maybe giving it a form of closure, for mourning that baby now, mourning she never gave it then. He looked over at her and he ached not for the brave strong person she was today but for the brave, strong child she had been when she was forced to make adult decisions.

John continued to watch Natalie as the nurse left and she fed her niece. He shook his head not knowing how she did it, how she got out of bed everyday and how she brought such light, such light to such a dark life, her dark life. John continued to watch and knew, knew how she did it, she just did. She was strong and she didn't look back. Amazing he thought to himself as he walked into the room closer to her, she was just telling him about something that was so painful to her and now, now she was taking care of her sisters baby. With all that John knew about her it made him wonder, wonder why, why he someone without as many heartaches in life, someone who hadn't been put thru as much as she in her life, how he could never seem to let things go, let them go so easily, not the way she had. The death of his father and Caitlyn's murder seemed… seemed so insignificant in comparison to what she had overcome in her life, all of it, her awful upbringing with an emotionally and physically abusive mother, finding out she was stolen at birth, a sadistic first husband, a second husband who supposedly died twice and came back, a serial killer attempting to take her life twice, almost being burned at the stake, being taken again by yet another killer, being left in a pit all alone to die, and how could he forget, being taken by yet another mad man and held hostage in a prison. He had watched her endure almost all that and now to find out there was more, she had more that she had endured, the loss of a baby. He shook his head; it was a wonder how she brought so much light into life, so much light into his life.

John watched as she finished feeding the baby and then she got up and went over by Jessica's bed. She and the baby lay down in the bed next to Jessica, Natalie placed her niece on Jess' chest right over her heart and she held her there. She softly spoke a few words to Jess and the baby and she tried to get comfortable to get some sleep.

John could see how exhausted she was, she was having a hard time keeping her eye's open, he watched and she motioned for him to come closer, he did and he brought his ear near her mouth so she could tell him something, so she could whisper it to him without waking the baby.

"Thank you, I need some sleep, go home I'll see you tomorrow" Natalie said and she kissed his cheek softly. The softness of her kiss brought a shiver to his back. He turned his mouth slightly and met hers. He kissed her gently, a gentleness they had never experienced before, almost as if a declaration of new things to come. John went over to the other bed in the room and took the blanket off of it, he went over by Natalie who was almost completely asleep and he covered her with the blanket, leaving her arm out of it to hold the baby on jess' chest. He moved a few feet away to go over to the chair in the room and sleep in it when Antonio walked into the room. He motioned for John to come out in the hall with him and he did.

"How are you? How you holding up?" John asked him as they walked to get a cup of coffee from the coffee machine.

"Been better, I'd be better if she woke up" Antonio said as he reached down for his coffee.

" I'm really sorry Man, sorry about Jess and about the baby" John told Antonio as he too reached down for his coffee.

"Thanks, we'll get thru it, we can get thru anything, anything as long as Tess doesn't emerge again. Why are you here, and so late?" Antonio asked as they walked back by the room. They both looked into the room and saw the girls, all sleeping in one bed.

"Because I belong here, I belong here with her" John said as they both continued to look at the girls.

A few days had gone by and still Jessica hadn't woke yet, everyone was getting nervous that she wouldn't, it was taking it's toll on everyone especially Natalie. Natalie stayed by Jessica's side everyday and every night, she took care of the baby while in the room with Jess so she wouldn't miss any of it. She was determined to take care of that baby by herself with little help from any one.

Vicky and Clint had just left and Natalie was reading a book while sitting in the chair next to Jessica's bed as the baby slept in the bassinet. All of a sudden Natalie heard a noise come from Jessica, a soft noise, she got up and went over by her. she was waking, Jessica was waking up. Natalie pushed the call button for a nurse and she went over to get the baby.

"Jess, Jess, Thank God you woke up" Natalie said while she watched Jessica's eye's open completely. Jessica looked at Natalie. Natalie took Jessica's baby and started to put her in Jess' arms when Jessica stopped her.

"I don't want that thing!" Natalie heard Jessica say or was it Tess. Natalie pulled the baby back towards her as Tess pushed her away, she held back the tears and then she heard someone by the door, she looked thinking it was the nurse but was relived to see it was him. It was John, he had heard and seen Natalie try and give her sister the baby and then her reject it, he could see Natalie was upset. He walked a little bit closer to her and then a nurse along with a doctor came in to examine Tess. Natalie and John along with the baby went out into the hall to wait.

"She doesn't want her, It's not her, It's..it's Tess" Natalie said a little emotional and John brought her and the baby close to his chest and held them. Natalie pulled away from him after a few moments.

"What's going to happen? What's gonna happen to my niece if Tess won't let Jess come back out? I'm not sure it's safe for the baby to be around Tess, especially after she finds out it's not Nash's. What do we do then?" Natalie asked him looking into his eyes for answers

"Then you'll take care of her till your sister is back, till she is well, just like you promised her" john told her bringing his hand to her chin.

"But..but I'm not sure I can do this alone, I mean... all alone, without any help, what do I know about caring for a baby" Natalie said looking into his strong blue eye's.

"You've been doing just fine so far and you won't be alone, you have a lot of family to help you and...and.. you've got me" John told her reassuring her again that he would be there for her. He leaned in gently and gave her a gentle kiss on the lips as they heard someone approach. They looked to see Clint and Antonio standing there staring at them. Natalie explained to them that Jess was awake but that she was Tess. Antonio and Clint went into the room to try and see if they could bring Jess out but they couldn't. Tess was just getting madder and madder talking with them. They tried showing her the baby again a few more times but that didn't work, Tess seemed to be determined to stay in charge and not let Jess out. Finally after the whole family had attempted to bring Jess back a decision had to be made.

Natalie had told John she was fine and for him to go back to work, she assured him she would call him if she needed him. The family had decided to bring Tess home with them and to once again keep her locked up to try and integrate Jess and Tess. But then there was the question of the baby. If wasn't wise to have her in the same house with Tess.

"Jess asked me to take care of her, so that's what I'll do, I'll take her to my new place with me" Natalie told her family as they all stood in the waiting area.

"Your new place? Oh, the one you just got before all this happened" Vicky said and Natalie nodded yes.

"That's fine dear but it's a big responsibility taking care of a baby 24 hours a day, I know you've been doing it here in the hospital but it's different at home. There are no nurses. I think it would be best to hire a nanny and she can keep the baby in the carriage house," Vicky said and Natalie was already shaking her head No.

"No! Jessica asked me to take care of her and I will, if it would make you feel better I can move into the carriage house with the baby." Natalie told her trying to compromise but there was no way a stranger was going to be taking care of her niece, especially not after her sister had asked her to do it.

"Natalie darling but atlas let us get someone to help you with her, it's not fair for you to do this all on your own" Vicky said

"I won't be doing this all alone, I'll have you guys and.. and I'll have John" Natalie said softly as she looked at her mother.

"Natalie honey yo-" Vicky was about to say something else and John approached them cutting her words off.

"That's right, she'll have me," John said as he walked up behind Natalie and told her family of his commitment to help Nat with the baby.


	12. Chapter 12 smut

Chapter 12 

Natalie and the Buchanan's all agreed that Natalie would take care of Jessica's baby at the carriage house. Natalie moved a few things into the house and all the baby's thing were already there. Natalie took a leave of absence from the police department and she and the baby were settling in nicely. John had come been coming by at lunchtime everyday to see Natalie and to help with the baby. They would talk for hours, even lose track of time making him late getting back to work. John had worked late last night on a big case and as much as he said he wanted to he was unable to come by. Things were looking up, Natalie thought as she looked at Jess' baby in her bassinet in the living room, jess was making progress, some, not a lot but some, and Natalie was happy to have John around, she and the baby had only been at the carriage house a few days and he was already living up to what he told her and her family at the hospital, that he would help her, be there for her, it was nice Natalie said to herself and she smiled, really nice.

She continued to look at the baby. The baby still didn't have a name. Jessica never really had a name picked out for her; she said she'd figure it out when she was born. She stared at such a beautiful thing, life. Beautiful life. She took a minute and thought about her beautiful life that she once had inside her, she thought about how she had never told anyone about her pregnancy and about the baby, not even Chris, how she never wanted to face that pain and how she just never felt she could trust anyone enough to tell them, nor did she want to trust anyone enough to tell them, but she told John. She shook her head not wanting to continue reliving all that pain and she focused her thoughts on John instead.

She thought about how much he had brought to her life, she thought about how much he had been trying, trying to be there for her, trying to show her, show her how much he cared about her, how much he loved her, how much she knew he loved her. Things were at a bit of a stand still for them, there hadn't been anytime to really get into what they should do about them, about them being together or not, about them going for it and not looking back. No words were ever spoken about them, they continued to be friends both knowing, both having patience that after everything with Jess' baby and Jess was worked out they would speak, they would decide where to go next with their relationship. Natalie was brought out of her thoughts when there was a knock at the door and it woke the baby, Natalie picked up the baby and then walked to the door to open it, Natalie had a smile on her face hoping it was john for it was lunch time.

"Oh, hey Nick I didn't expect you, what's going on?" Natalie said as she was surprised to see nick at the door. They hadn't really talked since they decided to call off the wedding.

"Nothing, can I come in," Nick asked and Natalie moved so he could walk in,

"I just wanted to check on you and make sure you were alright, I heard you went thru a lot and with Jess' situation and now the baby I thought I'd...well I'd check on you" Nick said as he watched her with her niece. She was swaying back and forth moving so the baby would go back to sleep. Nick got lost in her beauty, the radiance that excluded her when she was happy and taking care of others. He wondered why they had never talked about children.

"She's really a cutie isn't she?" he said as he came closer to Natalie to take a closer look at the baby in her arms. He got real close to Natalie and leaned in to look at the baby and then he looked up into Nat's eyes. Without even realizing it he went in for a kiss. Natalie had the baby in her arms and she saw him coming in for a kiss, she didn't move so to alarm the baby with her sudden action as the baby was falling asleep and she let him kiss her.

John was at the door about to knock when he looked in thru the glass on the front door and he saw it, saw them, saw Nick, saw them kiss. His heart started racing, he was jealous and mad all at the same time; how could she kiss him? How could she when she knew he loved her? When she knew how hard he was working on building things with them again, building things better. He stepped back a few feet about to walk away, about to leave and hit the first bar he saw, when he just couldn't. He couldn't do it, not this time, he couldn't run, he walked up to the door and opened it.

Nick was just in the middle of explaining to Natalie how sorry he was for kissing her when John walked in. they both turned to see John standing there with two bags of food.

"Hey," Natalie said to John as she walked over to the bassinet and put the baby down in it.

John walked over to Natalie and the bassinet; he looked at the baby and smiled at her.

"She been good for you today?" John asked as he and Natalie both continued to look at the baby

"Very good today, I see you brought lunch" Natalie asked as she looked at him

"Yup, and that's not all I brought" John said and he caught her off guard by bringing his lips to hers as Nick had no other choice than to watch. Natalie felt mesmerized by his show of affection, and confused by it all at the same time till she realized it. Realized that John was trying to stake his claim, stake his claim by kissing her in front of Nick. She realized he must have seen Nick kiss her.

"I think I'll be going Nat, I'm glad you're doing all right." Nick said as he walked closer to them. He started to walk passed them when John spoke to him.

"Oh Nick I didn't even see you there" John said being an ass

"Jerk" Nick said under his breath to low for them to hear and he left the carriage house.

After Nick left completely Natalie turned to John.

"You saw him kiss me didn't you?" Natalie asked John and he nodded yes.

"You do know there's nothing to worry about there don't you? I mean.. I'm not in love with him anymore, I'm not really sure if I ever was" she said as she looked into his blue eye's. She was under his spell again, she knew it, she felt it. She wanted it. They were about to kiss when Clint knocked on the door.

Natalie waved him in and Clint walked in.

"What's going on dad?" Natalie asked as Clint proceeded to walk towards her.

"Nothing, I just thought maybe you could use a break, maybe you'd like to get out of here for a little while, maybe John could take you to lunch or something." Clint said as he saw her begin to protest and then she looked at john and an agreed.

John and Natalie left the carriage house and got in John's car.

"Where do you wanna go?" John asked her as he turned the car on.

"Maybe the park, we can eat the lunch you brought' Natalie said as she smiled.

"The park it is " John told her and he drove to the park

John was about to park his car in a spot near the picnic tables when Natalie told him not too.

"Go around to the left, it's secluded back there, I go there when I want to be completely alone and when I want to think" Natalie told him and John followed orders and drove to where she told him. It was secluded he thought very secluded as a matter of fact.

They sat in the car an opened up their lunch from Rodi's and they started to eat, they spoke about a few things here and there but nothing of any importance, they were just having a great time alone together being them. They had the radio on in the car and while they were listening to it the song came on, Natalie's favorite song, the song that was on when John had blurted out that he loved her. John heard the song and he saw that she did to, he reached over and took her hand with his, he held it for a minute and then he lifted it to his mouth and kissed it. They looked into each others eye's and they saw the want for each other mirrored in them.

Natalie didn't know who moved first but they both started removing their own clothes, John got his shirt off and then moved closer to her and helped her off with her shirt, john reached behind her and unhooked her bra as Natalie pulled it off her shoulders throwing it onto the car floor. John started kissing her urgently and his hands became magnets to her breasts. His large thumbs went to work on her nipples and she leaned her head back enjoying every last action as his mouth found it's way to her breasts. Natalie felt like she was in paradise but then she suddenly stopped.

"Stop, stop John" she said as she was breathing heavy and she pushed him slightly off of her

"We can't I ...I..." Natalie couldn't get the words out.

" I want to. I really want to but..." Natalie again tried to say what was on mind when she looked at John.

John knew exactly why she had stopped. He reached passed her into the glove compartment grazing her breasts with his arm as he did and he pulled out a piece of paper. He handed it to her; Natalie read it as big grin appeared on her face.

"When? How?" she tried to ask when he shut her up by kissing her

"We'll talk about it later, now where was I... right about here" John said as he took his mouth and once again found her breast. His wet tongue went to her nipple and ran circles over her already hardened peaks till they were rock hard, John slowly moved his hand and started to move it inside her pants when their bodies kept bumping up against the steering wheel. They both stopped briefly still breathing heavy and Natalie looked at the back seat with her eyes. She got a devilish grin on her face and she climbed over the front seat to the back one. John followed her lead and too climbed into the back seat with her.

"You know we could just go back to my place," he told her as he watched her anxiously take off her pants and panties.

"Nope, wouldn't be as much fun," she said as she smiled at him taking her hands and putting them into his pants without undoing his button or zipper.

"Yep, much more fun right here" she said as she rubbed his penis up and down enjoying his hardness up against the palms of her hands.

John pushed her back against the seat slightly as his tongue started to lick her nipples one at a time and then his mouth blew cold air on them causing them to perk even more an causing Natalie to moan in pleasure, one of Nat's hands were still in his pants when she removed it to undo the button and zipper, she reached an opened it frantically and pushed his pants and his boxers down with his help. After helping Natalie with his own pants his hand went to her core, his long fingers inserted themselves up and into her moistness and started pushing in and out of her. Natalie arched her back up against the back of the seat and felt as if she was going to loose it right then as she felt his fingers match the rhythm of his suckling of her sensitive nipples. Natalie pushed him off of her slightly and maneuvered herself in the tight space of the back seat, she pushed his back against the seat and she climbed on top of his lap and his erection, straddling him as she faced the fogged back windshield. They stared into each other's eyes for a moment adjusting to their bodies connection and then John started moving hips causing his penis to move inside her, Natalie met his motions with her body and she brought her lips to his. John took his hands and squeezed her bare ass as his penis caused friction to her walls. Breathing heavy they continued to feel the friction as John push deeper and deeper inside of her as her clenching walls tightened around him. Natalie's wall were getting tighter and tighter as John brought one hand off her ass and he put it behind her head pulling her mouth closer to his and aggressively deepening a kiss, they both could feel it, they knew they were close, so close.

They continued with their actions as they felt the car start to shake, Natalie arched her back so his hand could touch her breast, John quickly guided his thumb over one of her nipples as he held her in place on his lap. Feeling her orgasm come upon her Natalie let out a loud moan of pleasure and John quickened his actions knowing it was beginning for the both of them, he drove into her with one final hard thrust and he pulled her back up towards him so they could look into each others eyes as they released. They watched each other as their bodies came together in perfect sync, tightening and deepening their connection until they both felt it, felt their juices joining together. Natalie continued to ride John slowly till her walls stopped throbbing and she continued to kiss his mouth as her bare breasts grazed his chest. Natalie's chest fall against his in exhaustion and she held onto him tightly for a few minutes as he stayed inside her warm place. John moved her head back and pushed her messy hair off of her face and he leaned in for a soft kiss. He was about to tell her he loved her when they both heard it. There was a banging on the back window of the car. They fell quickly to the floor, and were thankful that the windows were still fogged. They quickly searched for their clothes as John saw a man, a cop, a cop from the station trying to look thru the fogged window. They were both able to get their pants on in time but Natalie remembered her shirt was in the front seat. John helped her on with his and was attempting to help her button it as they saw the cop walk around the car to the other window in the back that wasn't as fogged. The cop looked in and saw John.

" Oh, I'm sorry Lt. Mcbain, I didn't know this was your car" the officer said embarrassed as his partner came over to see.

"What's going on?" the second officer asked

"Nothing, nothing lets go" the first officer said to the other. The second officer was curious and looked into the window.

"Natalie, is that you?" the second officer said as he saw her messy red hair.

Natalie got up off the floor slightly pulling John's half unbuttoned shirt together around her chest.

"Yeah, it's me, nice to see you guys" Natalie said, as she knew this would be the gossip around, heck the joke of the station for a while.

"Well.. we'll let you two get back to what you were doing" the officer said and the two officers walked away chuckling to themselves.

John turned to Natalie and she was smiling, they watched the two officers walk away and they heard them talking.

"I told ya, I told ya he loved her, he always has" the officer told his partner

John and Natalie heard them and John wrapped his arms around her, he brought his lips to her ear and whispered in it.

"He's right, I've always loved you. " John told her as he kissed her softly.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13 

John and Natalie finally got finished getting completely dressed and returned to the front seat of the car. They sat in silence as John started the car and began to drive Natalie back to the carriage house, both sat with matching smiles caused by their lovemaking. John pulled into the driveway of the carriage house.

"Hey" John said turning off the car and turning his head and meeting her smiling face.

"Hey yourself" Natalie said back knowing that words weren't needed.

"I've gotta get back to work" John told her

"You can come by later, you know after work, even if it's late" Natalie told him

"I was planning on it" John said and he leaned in and kissed her softly before they said goodbye

A few weeks had passed and Natalie and John were enjoying each other's company and also enjoying taking care of Jessica's baby together. They had, had some alone time here and there over the past weeks but they had spent most of their time at the carriage house with the baby or even at the park taking her for walks. John was starting to spend his nights with them also, every night to be exact and all night long.

Natalie would sit and think of how wonderful things were with John and with having the baby around, the way they were was almost like they were a family. But, she knew, there was no real commitment from John and the baby wasn't hers. And even thou her sister was getting better and had even taken care of her child a few times she couldn't help but be sad by the fact that sooner of later Jessica would take her baby back and Natalie would be left all alone again. She had hoped the feelings of loneliness would be different, she had hoped that when baby Jess, which is what she liked to call her, left the carriage house and her that she wouldn't feel the same pain as when she lost her own baby.

One night Natalie was sleeping wrapped in John's arms when she woke. She had a strange dream, there was a child and a Dr in her dream, it was weird because it so reminded her of the Dr from the clinic, Dr Winters, the Dr who had known Natalie since she was a little girl, the child in the dream, the girl looked like Natalie, at first she thought it must have been her but then the little girl called the Dr daddy. Natalie shook her head trying to remember more but she couldn't. She carefully got herself out of John's arms and walked into the nursery to check on baby jess and try and figure out why the dream made her feel so strange. She looked at her niece and figured it was because of today. Today Jessica would move into the carriage house with Antonio so they could start taking of baby Jess together. Everyone including the Dr's believed the Jessica was now fine to take care of her baby. Natalie looked at baby Jess' little face and she lightly touched it. She turned when she felt him walk into the room.

"I'm sorry I woke you, I couldn't sleep" Natalie told John as he moved closer

"Thinking about today huh?" John asked softly as Natalie motioned to go outside of the baby's room.

They walked into the bedroom and Natalie walked over by the window and looked outside.

" I was thinking how nice it was, you know the three of us, just like a dream I use to have" Natalie said as he came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"You can have that dream again you know, I bet this time it'll come true" John told her as he leaned in and kissed the side of her neck.

"I don't wanna talk about this right now, I wanna go back to bed, I'm tired" Natalie said as she took his hand and led him to the bed. She lay down and he did to, he wrapped his arms around her and she fell asleep a few minutes later. John felt her fall back to sleep but he didn't sleep, he thought about her, about things, about how nice this was. How nice it was to wake with her every morning, see her when he went to bed a night, make love to her almost every night. How nice things were with the baby also, how it almost felt like the baby was theirs and they were very much in love and married. He knew why she was upset, it was because she had felt those things too, she felt an attachment to the baby, her sisters baby but now she was going to feel alone, her sister would take her baby and Natalie would feel the pain again, almost like she did losing her baby all those years ago, John never wanted her to go thru that kind of pain again, he wanted her to know he was here for her, that he loved her, that he wanted a life with her, in his dreams he had seen her as his wife and the mother of his children and he wanted and needed her to know that. To know what he wanted them to be to each other, what they could be, the so much more that they could be to each other. He closed his eye's knowing what he had to do. He fell asleep again having the dream of her as his wife and their wonderful life together.

Morning came quickly when John woke to again see she was out of bed. He showered and went down stairs with his things. He put his duffel bag with this things down on floor next to here packed suitcases, he looked towards the kitchen when he heard her come into the room. Natalie handed him a cup of coffee and gave him a quick kiss good morning. John watched her as she started to straighten the place up, she was nervous and upset, heck he was upset to. John walked over by her and took her hands in his and made her look at him.

"I thought maybe I'd take the day off, you know so we can spend it together, maybe go do something fun." John told her and he watched the sadness in her face.

"No, I'm gonna just stay here a little bit with Jess and the baby and make sure their both alright before I head over to my place." Natalie told him with glassy eyes. She didn't want this to end, she wanted to stay in this place with John and with the baby, but she knew it wasn't her baby and John wasn't...wasn't...family.

"Natalie, are you sure?" John asked her continuing to stare into her glassy blue eyes

"Yes, I'm sure, I'm fine John there's no need to worry about me, I know she's my sisters baby, I know she's not mine. It was just nice taking care of her, you know since I don't think I'll ever have my own and I'm not really sure I can even have my own physically speaking because of my...my. never mind it's not important. Have a good day at work" Natalie said and she kissed his cheek and dismissed him. John wanted to stay with her but she didn't want him to, he knew she wanted and needed to work things out in her head alone. John kissed her back and he left the carriage house, after assuring her he'd meet her later at her apartment.

As soon as John was in the car he pulled out his cell phone and called Michael, he asked Michael if he could meet him at Rodi's, that he had a few questions about a case he needed answers on. John also called the station and told them he wouldn't be in today. John walked into Rodi's to see Michael already there.

"Boy, that was quick?" John asked

"I was on my way here when I got your call, what can I help you with?" Michael asked as they both took a seat at a table

"Okay, I need a little medical help, if a person, say a female had a baby that was..was..stillborn would there be any reason she wouldn't be able to have another baby ? And that baby not be healthy?"

"I'm sorry, I don't have a cut and dry answer for you with out looking at her files, I mean stillborns happen all the time it's a fact of life, but sometimes there's a reason for it, maybe the mother can't deliver a baby, maybe something went wrong with the pregnancy that the doctor didn't pick up on, she could just not be able to bring a baby into life. It's to hard to figure out without all the facts, if you've got a file I'll be more than happy to look over it." Michael told him and John knew he needed more information to find out, find out for Natalie if she could have another baby and it not end up the way it did when she was younger.

"It would also help if there was a pathology report on the unborn baby, lots of times they do tests on the baby to see what may have caused the death." Michael also informed him.

"Thanks, Michael for the help I've gotta go" John said and he knew he had to get the info they needed from the clinic where it happened. He took the train to Ac. he walked into the clinic and waited as a nurse talked on the phone at her desk.

He was still waiting for the nurse to get off her phone when he looked around, he had been here so many times when he worked for the AC police and it hadn't seem to change.

"What can I help you with?" the nurse asked

" Hi, I'm detective Mcbain and I need to find out information on a patient from about ten years ago" John told her and he saw the nurse look passed him over at something. The nurse got up and walked over behind John.

"Elizabeth, I told you your father is in with a patient, you can't go in there till he's done" John heard the nurse say to a girl trying to sneak into an examine room. The girl had strawberry blonde hair and her back was to him. He looked away once the nurse took her seat again but then he looked back a few times at the girl still only seeing the back of her.

"I'm sorry I can't give you those files without a court order and you know that, but I can see it's very important to you, so I've been here fifteen years and I have a really good memory if you tell me the name maybe I can help you with something" the nurse told John.

"Natalie Balsom" John said and he saw the nurse get white in the face and quickly glance to see where the girl was. John saw her expression change at the sound of Natalie's name and then he watched her look again at the girl behind him, john also turned and looked at the girl now sitting waiting for her dad and he saw her face this time. The girls face, Oh. My. God! He said to himself and he turned back towards the nurse.

John looked at the girls face and in his gut he knew, he knew who he was looking at, he knew the face, the blue eye's, it was Natalie, a little version of her. He knew by the way the nurse looked that she knew something too, he wanted more than anything to take the nurse by the neck and make her tell him, tell him everything, but he knew he couldn't, he couldn't even let on what his gut and also what his heart was telling him.

"Ms. I really need those files for a case, it's a very important one and If you could maybe just help out a little, just let me see the files for a few minutes, I would appreciate it" John said as another nurse approached the nurse's desk to hand her some paperwork.

" I'm sorry Detective not without a court order" the nurse said and walked away with the other nurse.


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14 

John stood by the nurse's desk for a few minutes when he took a look around; the nurse had taken the girl into one of the rooms away from John's sight. The other nurse came over by John briefly and softly told him something as she walked past him.

"Come back in thirty minutes, she'll be at lunch" The nurse said referring to the first nurse.

John went out into his car and sat there for the thirty minutes. He wondered how this was all going to play out, how when he got the proof that he needed to prove that the little girl was Natalie's, how did he break it to her, how would she take the news. He also wondered how someone could do something like this., and a Dr, she had gone to him to help her with her pregnancy, to help make sure her baby was healthy and to make sure she was healthy, He was a doctor, Dammit! He said to himself. He wasn't supposed to be a kidnapper. John shook his head wondering if he was wrong, if his gut was wrong. He knew in his heart he wasn't but he needed the truth, the facts, the how and the why this happened. The how and the why these people did this to her. He again questioned his gut, but he knew his gut was right, the minute he saw the girls face, the minute he looked at her eye's, he knew, there was no doubt in his mind about it, that was Natalie's child and he needed to find out why they did this. He continued to watch the door of the clinic when the Nurse and a Man with white hair walked out with the girl, with Natalie's girl. He assumed the man was the Dr., the one responsible for all of this. John waited till they were out of sight and then he went into the clinic. He walked in and saw the nurse waiting for him and there wasn't anyone else around. She approached him.

"I'm Susan and I heard what you asked nurse Nancy for. I think I can help you; this is Natalie's Balsom's file. I'll make you a quick copy but...but there's also something I need to tell you. I'm not really sure why you need this information on Ms. Balsom but.. but I found something out a few years ago that pertains to her and I've felt really, really guilty for never saying anything to anyone. Elizabeth, Mr. Winters daughter, she is this Ms. Balsom's biological daughter that she had supposedly let Mr. Winters and his wife adopt. " Nurse Susan told John

"What!" John said not believing what he had just heard

" I know it's not true. The adoption papers are all legal and a copy of them are in her file, but I learned the truth a few years ago, Mr. Winters wife, she was sick and passed, I was her nurse, she told me stuff before she went, sort of making her penance, she said something that I later found out was true when I started working here for Mr. Winters. She told me that the girl, Elizabeth's real mom didn't know, didn't know that Elizabeth was alive, that her husband had Ms. Balsom sign papers while she was being given the anesthesia before they performed a C-section. The girl was very young and they told her, told her that her baby was stillborn." Susan said as she looked at her watch.

"I've gotta get you these copies now before they come back" Nurse Susan said as she ran with the file to make John copies.

John stood there frozen, thinking over what she just said, that the girl was Natalie's. She confirmed what John's gut was screaming, he had to play this smart, he couldn't just let them know he knew, he needed to build a case, get all his facts together, get them straight, then he would get her back, get her for Natalie, he again wondered how this was going to affect Natalie and even Elizabeth. It was going to be tough, really tough on everyone, but he knew it had to be done, these bastards had to be punished, punished for taking away Nat's child and putting her thru the heartbreak of thinking she had died. Nurse Susan returned with the copies for John.

"Here, this is everything, you've gotta go they'll be back soon" Susan said as she handed him the copies of the files

"You may have to testify in court as to what you know" John told her informing her of the fact that they would need her testimony.

"I know, I'll do it but for now please don't come here again to talk with me, I really need this job. Here's my number if you need anything" Nurse Susan said as she handed john her number on a piece of paper.

John left the Clinic and drove to the train station; he pulled out his phone while driving and called an old colleague from the AC police department who was now retired. He asked him to get info on Dr. Winters and to watch his house, to watch the whereabouts of his daughter. John had to make sure that Dr. Winters didn't get spooked when he found out someone was asking about Nat's files, that he didn't take Natalie's daughter and run. John still needed time to work all of this out like it was any other case and he didn't want to chance anything.

A few hours later John was walking into the station on his way to his office to put things together. He read the file on the train ride back and it just made him angrier and angrier with every word he read. Especially when he got to the adoption agreement, Nat's signature was definitely distorted, it never looked like that, and she definitely didn't know what she was signing at the time. All the facts were adding up, except one, Natalie said she felt no movement of the baby the day she was born, that was why she went to the clinic cause she thought something was wrong. John picked up his phone and called Michael for more answers. John asked Michael to come down to the station right away that it was important. Michael said he would be there in a few minutes.

John went to Bo's office to tell him and maybe get some advice from him on how to handle things but Bo was gone for the day. He was walking back to his office when he realized something, he realized he had to tell her, he couldn't wait, all the facts were there, he had to tell Natalie. He remembered there was a time when he didn't tell her something so important, something he hid to try and protect her and it caused both of them heartache. He picked up his phone and decided it was best she knew, knew right away and hopefully he could keep her from running to AC and doing something stupid and rash. He called her and told her to meet him at her apartment in a half hour. He was walking back to his office when he saw Michael by his desk waiting in one of his chairs.

"Hey, Bro so what's up?" Michael asked as he saw John walk in the room

" I got that file, the one on the baby and it's mother "

"The stillborn baby?" Michael asked

"Well...ummm. No, the baby wasn't stillborn, she was taken from the mother by a C-section and it seems the bastard Dr had her sign adoption papers when she wasn't lucid. The sons of bitches told her, her baby was dead!" John said getting upset, angry, angrier, he just couldn't keep his mind in cop mode, it was in Natalie mode. he couldn't help but think about her and the hurt in her eye's when she told him the story. He had a piece of paper in his hand and he grumbled it into his fist.

"John, Bro, calm down, it's just a case, don't get so personal about it, let me see the file and ask me the questions?" Michael told him noting that John wasn't handing him the file. John finally handed Michael the file reluctantly.

"Here Michael, but she doesn't know yet" John said softly as he realized he had to tell Michael if he wanted his help. Michael took a few minutes and looked over the file, then he flipped to the first page, and he saw her name, and he now knew why John was getting so personal about it.

"You've gotta tell her John, like now" Michael said looking up from the file to see John

"I'm going to in a few minutes, but I need to know why? Why see didn't feel anything the day of the C-section, I mean she said she didn't feel any movement and that was why she went into the clinic and they told her the baby was dead, why?" John asked trying to figure out if the Dr had planned all along to take Nat's baby.

"The baby was probably ready, sometimes when the baby drops, moves down in the womb, there isn't much movement, the baby's getting ready to be born. It would be perfectly normal for her not to feel a lot of movement at that point." Michael told John and John grabbed his coat and the file from Michael's hand.

"Thanks, I've gotta go tell her, and I'm not sure how to" John said as he quickly left his office

Ten minutes later John arrived at Nat's door. He knocked and she yelled for him to come in that she was in the bedroom. she was unpacking her stuff from the carriage house and he approached her by the bed. She had her hands in her suitcase and he took his hands and stopped her from what she was doing.

"John, is something wrong?" Natalie said as she noticed the serious look on his face

"Natalie I..." John started to say but didn't know what words to use. How do you tell the woman you love that you found out her child that she thought was dead before it's birth was alive and that the doctor tricked her into signing over her rights to her. The same Dr that she trusted since she was a little girl.

"I know John, this is about the baby?" Natalie said as she looked into his eyes.

"What?" John asked confused as to what baby she was talking about. He realized she must be talking about Jess' baby.

"Natalie, this isn't about Jess' baby, this is about your baby" John told her as he took her hand and led her over into the living room. He made her sit down.

"John, what is going on?" Natalie asked more confused than ever.

"I don't know how to tell you this...but...your baby.. it didn't die, it wasn't dead inside you, she's alive and her name is...Eli----" John said as he saw and heard her say her daughters name.

"Elizabeth," Natalie said cutting John's words off before he said her daughter's name.

"Natalie, how did you know that?" John asked her looking at her shocked face and glassy eye's.

"I don't know.. I just did" Natalie said continuing to look at John in shock


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15 

"I don't know where that came from. I...I just said it, I felt it.I...I..it..it can't be true, my baby was dead, they told me, the Dr and the nurse both told me so" Natalie said standing up and going by the window to look out.

"Natalie, that's the thing, the D---" John said as Natalie cut off his words loudly and sternly

"NO John! It's not true, it can't be true," Natalie said turning slightly to look at him.

"It is Natalie, she's alive and I've seen her" John told her as he got up off the couch and walked over to her.

"No, you're lying" Natalie said shaking her head back and forth

"You know I don't lie Natalie, and you know I wouldn't say something like this unless I had facts to back it up" John said as he took her hand and stood in front of her. He saw the private debate in her head going on as she tried to process things, he saw the harsh stubborn expression change, she was realizing what he had said was true. Her eye's got even glassier and a few tears fell as she gave into it, into the sadness. John led her back to the couch without words for a few minutes.

"Tell Me" Natalie asked softly and John knew she needed to know all of it, the whole truth, everything so he started to explain it to the best of his ability. He was just hoping as he went thru the story he could keep himself strong, this was breaking his heart, telling her all that had happened and what these people did to her, but he had to be the strong one, for her.

"It seems... Dr Winters and his nurse delivered your baby, she was alive, they.. they gave you the C-section so...so.. he , winters, he could adopt your baby." John said holding her hands feeling her squeeze them as he spoke.

"How did he adopt my baby? I never signed any paperwork for an adoption, I mean if I remember it now, they were always asking me about putting the my baby up, I...I even remember something about Dr Winters wife, a rumor around the office, she was sick and couldn't have children, but...but I didn't sign anything, nothing, I wouldn't have, I wanted to keep my baby" Natalie said staring down at the floor for a few minutes and then she looked back up at john.

"But you did Natalie, they tricked you, you weren't in any state to sign it but you did" John said as he took a copy of the signed adoption agreement out of the file he had laid down on the coffee table when he came into the apartment. He handed it to Natalie; she looked at it and threw it back down on the table.

"That doesn't even look like my signature," Natalie said stubbornly

"But it is, it has some of the same characteristics as yours but looking at it compared to your every day signature it can be determined you weren't in your right mind when you signed it." John said as he picked up the paper and showed her the signature

"How did you...find all this out?" Natalie asked as she grabbed a throw pillow from the couch and held it to her body

"I met a nurse named Susan, she told me about it and gave me a copy of your file when I went to the clinic" John told her watching her clutch the pillow close to herself

"Why did you go to the clinic?" Natalie asked as she looked into his eyes

"I...I.I needed to know.. to know if I could make your dreams come true," John said softly hesitating at first

"What? " Natalie didn't quite understand what he was getting at

"It felt so right, I mean with Jess' baby and us, then you said you didn't know if it was possible for you, you know physically to have a child, so I went to the clinic before... before. That's not what's important here." John said stopping mid sentence and changing the subject back to what was important

"John, I'm too confused with everything going on to try and figure out your riddles, you needed to know before what?" Natalie asked as she watched his blue eye's get deeper in color.

"Before I asked you...asked you to marry me and.. and.. have my children" John said as he looked into her eyes. This wasn't how he had wanted her to know, it wasn't how he had planned to ask her and he knew there was more important things right now.

"All that's not important right now, what's important is you have a very much alive daughter and we have to figure out how to get custody of her." John said looking away briefly and then meeting her eyes yet again.

"It's still not making sense, I mean I went to the clinic that day, it wasn't scheduled, she wasn't moving inside me, there was no movement" Natalie told him trying really hard to fill in the blanks of this story.

"Michael said that was normal, she was probably positioning herself to be born and that was why you didn't feel her. I know this is a lot right now, it's been a long day for you and it isn't even dinner time, lets just let it sink in for a little while, here lay down" John said as he moved over on the couch so Natalie could lay down and then he laid behind her on his side pulling her back to his chest. They were silent for a few minutes when Natalie began to speak.

"John, you said you saw her, was she alright? I mean did she look o--" Natalie said softly staring at the wall across from her when John interrupted with his words.

"She was beautiful Nat, she looks just like you, and she seemed to be perfectly healthy and well taken care of" he said as he kissed the back of her neck. Natalie took a deep breath and then let it out, after a few minutes she spoke again.

"Thank you and it would be yes" Natalie told him softly while her fingers started to move up and down his arms that were wrapped around her

"What?" John asked just as softly but confused

"When the time is right and you officially ask me my answer will be yes" Natalie said as she felt him again kiss the back of her neck.

"I love you, and I promise you I'll get you your daughter back, I'll get her back for you and for us and then we'll have our family." John said. John and Natalie lay together on the couch neither slept but they took comfort in their warmth and love for each other.

Natalie laid a wake in his arms with a mixture of emotions running thru her body. John had just told her some shocking news, news about the baby she thought was dead, her baby from all those years ago, ten years ago, that baby was ten, ten years of a child that was he's was lost to her, ten years ago an awful man, a Dr she trusted had tricked her into thinking her baby was dead inside her and then he again tricked her into signing away her rights to her baby. Then the Dr adopted her, gave her to his wife and they loved her all these years and she loved them back, but she was my child! Natalie told herself, mine! They had no right to take her and love her, she was supposed to love me and I was supposed to love and take care of her. A few tears began to fall and Natalie jumped up out of Johns arms, she grabbed her purse and headed for the door.

"Where are you going?" John asked her but he was pretty sure he knew the answer to his own question. He got up and went over by her at the door before she walked out of it.

"I'm going to get my child," Natalie told him in her stubborn tone.

"You can't, not yet." John told her and he took her hand, he closed the front door for which she had just opened.

"She is my flesh and blood and we've already lost so much time together, you can't stop me." Natalie said again opening the door but John again closed it.

"Natalie, a few more days or weeks isn't going to matter but if you go and he runs with her, you may never see her. We need to build a case, a smart case then we can get her back legally and for good," John told her as he saw her look into his eyes, they were tearing up.

"But she was my baby John, she was mine and they took her, they just took her." Natalie said starting to cry as the words came out, John pulled her close to his chest and held her as she shed her tears.

"She'll be here with you soon, I promise" John said stroking the back of her hair with his hands as he held her.


	16. Chapter 16 Smut

Chapter 16 

A few days had passed and Natalie had decided she needed to tell her family, tell them everything, she was very nervous and upset thinking about how they would react to the news that she had been pregnant at such a young age. When she told her family they seem to take that part about Natalie being pregnant so young okay but when she told them what had been done to her what the doctor who was suppose to be taking care of her did, they were outraged. Asa was bent on making Dr Winters and Nurse Nancy pay, pay for keeping a Buchanan from their child, his great grandchild. It took most of the men in the family to hold him down, he was so angry that he personally wanted to hurt good old Dr Winters but that definitely wouldn't help Natalie with trying to get Elizabeth back. Elizabeth Natalie thought, when will I get to see her? I haven't seen her yet, she longed to see her, but it wasn't time yet, the timing still was off.

The Buchanan's hired the best attorney; Asa actually hired the best attorney possible to start the ball rolling, to sue for Natalie's child. The first step in their case was to sue for custody, prove to the court, a judge that Natalie was unaware her child was alive all these years and that she wasn't in right mind when signing the adoption papers. They knew Natalie's word wasn't enough and that Nurse Susan's testimony would be considered hear say. They all knew how hard this was going to really be, how really hard it would be to prove and John knew it, this would be one of the hardest cases John helped to prove and not just because of the little amount of actual evidence they had but because he personally had a stake in it. He was emotionally involved in the case, this girl stolen out it's mother was Natalie's girl, Natalie's child and that fact made this case so important to him, very important since this girl, Elizabeth would be his stepchild one day, one day when he and Natalie got married.

A week had passed and they were due in court in a few days. Dr Winters and his attorney was already served with the legal papers and John had his retired cop pal watching to make sure Winters and Nurse Nancy didn't take Elizabeth and run. Asa was being Asa and didn't trust that John's man was good enough so he hired a slew of surveillance men to watch the house, the clinic, Elizabeth's school, anywhere that Dr Winters or his great granddaughter was he had them watch.

Natalie and John had just finished breakfast when Natalie was off in her own little world. In two days would be the day, the first day of what she was told could drag out for weeks, even months. She sipped her coffee and continued to stare into space thinking about her daughter, her ten-year-old daughter, how was this going to affect her? If and when she came to be with Natalie and then John. Would she be angry with Natalie for taking her away from her dad? Would they be able to form so sort of mother daughter relationship over time? Natalie asked herself all these questions and then shook her head clear of them as she proceed to get up and wash her coffee cup out in the sink. John saw her far away look and he knew what she was thinking about, what seem to always be on her mind, he got up and went over by her near the sink. Natalie was leaning up against the sink washing a few things left in the sink when John wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"How about I take your mind off things?" John asked her as his hands went to her breasts while she was still had the water running. Natalie turned off the water as she spoke.

"We just got dressed, " Natalie told him as a small smile formed on her face

"I know" John said as he started kissing the back of her neck, his hands continued to squeeze her breast over her clothes and Natalie leaned her neck back into his lips.

"I don't think there's time before work" Natalie told him all breathy as she turned in his arms till she was facing him.

"There's always time" John said as one hand returned to her breast and the other hand decided to make a journey down from her breast to her inner thigh. Natalie was wearing a skirt so John pulled it up with his hand as he moved his hand up and down on her inner thigh, higher and higher he brought her skirt up with his hand feeling her body start to slightly shake from the friction of his rough hand on her soft thigh skin. John's other hand removed itself from her breast and started unbuttoning the buttons on her shirt, one by one he unbuttoned each button as his mouth worked it's magic on her neck, finally after the last button John's mouth latched on to the lacy material of her bra leaving her unbuttoned shirt still on her shoulders. While suckling her nipple thru her bra John's hand joined it's partner at her thighs, both hands moved up and down her inner thighs as Natalie let out a small moan of pleasure. She had her eyes closed and she opened them briefly to see his actions on her body.

Natalie was definitely letting go, letting all the anxieties go and was just enjoying how he was making her feel, how wonderful he always made her feel. Natalie slightly pushed him away with her hands as her own hands came upon her breasts, John let out a small pout and Natalie gave him a small laugh, she took her hands squeezed her own breast for a second teasing him and then she unfastened the front clasp of her bra exposing her breast and already hardened nipples. John wasted no time bringing his hands and his mouth back to her breasts, his thumbs started working on one of her nipples as his mouth took her other nipple into his mouth suckling and teasing it with his actions. Natalie's hands went down to feel his erection thru his pants and John quickened his tongues actions on her nipples. He momentarily stopped all his actions and looked at her face, her eye's were closed and when she felt him stop she opened them and looked at him, John gave her a quick rough kiss and then got down on his knees, he lifted her skirt up and his hands removed her panties slowly as he caressed her sensitive area as he brought them down and off of her, Natalie tugged at his shirt as he was on his knees and he removed it, while still kneeling.

John got up off his knees picking her up with him as he did. Natalie's legs wrapped around him as he picked her up and she started driving her tongue in and out of his mouth, John gently placed Natalie onto the kitchen counter. He watched her as he saw her bite her bottom lip in anticipation. John leaned his head down in between her legs as she parted them for him and brought his mouth to her wet core as she laid back slightly on the counter, he brought his hands up to her nipples and started flicking them as he pushed his hot tongue in and out of her wetness, Natalie gripped the sides of the countertop with her fingers and her legs started to tremble with anticipation of his next actions. John used his tongue in a circular pattern around her clit and Natalie started to moan louder and louder. She was finally able to form a few words when she spoke to him.

"Please John, stop teasing me, take them off now," she said barely being able to breath. She reached her hand pulling on his belt loop and John knew she couldn't hold on much longer. He quickly removed his pants and boxers and picked her up off the counter. her legs went around him immediately and he drove inside her as he pushed her back up against the kitchen wall for support, he continued to hold her with on hand on her ass as she was firmly up against the wall, he drove into her a few more times as he felt her walls tighten around him, he kissed her deeply while looking at her face and he saw the sweat start to form on her forehead, he stopped his actions for a moment to try and slow things down when she felt him stop, she stared into his blue eye's, she licked her dry bottom lip and whispered into his ear.

" I love you John" was all that was needed for him to start driving again harder an deeper as he watched her face as her orgasm came upon her, John felt her walls trembling from inside her, her trembling caused his juices to start flowing and he released them as she was at the peak of her orgasm. They took a moment to look at each other as they stopped all movements, John lifted his hand and wiped away a few beads of sweat off her face, they smiled at each other and then he gently put her down. They softly kissed for a few moments and then Natalie took his hand and lead him into the bathroom for yet another shower before work.

John and Natalie had again gotten ready for work and left for the station. As they were driving to work Natalie stared out the window and couldn't help but notice what a nice day out it was, it was beautiful out, the weather was warm and sunny, she continued to look out the window when they drove passed the park, she couldn't help but notice all the kids playing on the swings at the park, all the mothers watching their children, all the babies being pushed in their baby carriages. All the things she never got to do with Elizabeth over these years, all the things she missed out on, she was becoming more and more impatient to see her daughter, to talk to her, to find out about her. They had a court date in a few days but Natalie felt as if she couldn't wait any longer, she knew John and the attorney both advised against it but she had to see her, even if it was just a quick glance at her. She knew John would try and talk her out of it so she decided not to tell him. She made a decision to lie to him, she knew he would be mad at her if and when he found out but this was her child that she longed to see not his, her child that was taken from her belly and was stolen. They arrived at the police station when John turned off the car and looked at Natalie. Natalie just sat there for a minute.

"What's wrong?" John asked as he saw her pale face

"I'm just not feeling well, I think I'll go back home and rest" Natalie told him not really lying about the first part since she had been feeling a little light headed and sick in spurts over the last month but she had chalked those feelings up to stress.

"Alright, I'll drive you back home" John answered her attempting to start the car

"No that's okay I'll go see Roxy at the salon and she'll drive me home, you're already late" she told him; she leaned into him and kissed her. John went into the station and Natalie was walking towards Foxy Roxy's when she stopped and headed towards the train station instead.

About an half hour later John was working at his desk when he remembered that he hadn't told Natalie he'd invited Michael over for dinner and now with her being sick maybe she wanted to cancel it all together. He picked up his phone and called the house line but got the answering machine, he called her cell but he got her voice mail, he was beginning to worry when he called Roxy. Roxy said she hadn't seen her today; John grabbed his coat and ran out the door of the station hoping she hadn't gone where he thought she'd gone.

Natalie arrived at AC, got a rental car and looked up the Dr's address. It was a Saturday so she figured and had hoped Elizabeth would be home today. She parked a few houses down from the Dr's house and stared at it for a few minutes before she approached the door. She rang the bell several times but no one came. She had just turned to walk away when she heard it, the most beautiful voice she had ever heard.

"Can I help you?" Elizabeth said as Natalie turned around to see her baby, her child, her daughter for the first time ever.


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 16 

A few days had passed and Natalie had decided she needed to tell her family, tell them everything, she was very nervous and upset thinking about how they would react to the news that she had been pregnant at such a young age. When she told her family they seem to take that part about Natalie being pregnant so young okay but when she told them what had been done to her what the doctor who was suppose to be taking care of her did, they were outraged. Asa was bent on making Dr Winters and Nurse Nancy pay, pay for keeping a Buchanan from their child, his great grandchild. It took most of the men in the family to hold him down, he was so angry that he personally wanted to hurt good old Dr Winters but that definitely wouldn't help Natalie with trying to get Elizabeth back. Elizabeth Natalie thought, when will I get to see her? I haven't seen her yet, she longed to see her, but it wasn't time yet, the timing still was off.

The Buchanan's hired the best attorney; Asa actually hired the best attorney possible to start the ball rolling, to sue for Natalie's child. The first step in their case was to sue for custody, prove to the court, a judge that Natalie was unaware her child was alive all these years and that she wasn't in right mind when signing the adoption papers. They knew Natalie's word wasn't enough and that Nurse Susan's testimony would be considered hear say. They all knew how hard this was going to really be, how really hard it would be to prove and John knew it, this would be one of the hardest cases John helped to prove and not just because of the little amount of actual evidence they had but because he personally had a stake in it. He was emotionally involved in the case, this girl stolen out it's mother was Natalie's girl, Natalie's child and that fact made this case so important to him, very important since this girl, Elizabeth would be his stepchild one day, one day when he and Natalie got married.

A week had passed and they were due in court in a few days. Dr Winters and his attorney was already served with the legal papers and John had his retired cop pal watching to make sure Winters and Nurse Nancy didn't take Elizabeth and run. Asa was being Asa and didn't trust that John's man was good enough so he hired a slew of surveillance men to watch the house, the clinic, Elizabeth's school, anywhere that Dr Winters or his great granddaughter was he had them watch.

Natalie and John had just finished breakfast when Natalie was off in her own little world. In two days would be the day, the first day of what she was told could drag out for weeks, even months. She sipped her coffee and continued to stare into space thinking about her daughter, her ten-year-old daughter, how was this going to affect her? If and when she came to be with Natalie and then John. Would she be angry with Natalie for taking her away from her dad? Would they be able to form so sort of mother daughter relationship over time? Natalie asked herself all these questions and then shook her head clear of them as she proceed to get up and wash her coffee cup out in the sink. John saw her far away look and he knew what she was thinking about, what seem to always be on her mind, he got up and went over by her near the sink. Natalie was leaning up against the sink washing a few things left in the sink when John wrapped his arms around her from behind.

"How about I take your mind off things?" John asked her as his hands went to her breasts while she was still had the water running. Natalie turned off the water as she spoke.

"We just got dressed, " Natalie told him as a small smile formed on her face

"I know" John said as he started kissing the back of her neck, his hands continued to squeeze her breast over her clothes and Natalie leaned her neck back into his lips.

"I don't think there's time before work" Natalie told him all breathy as she turned in his arms till she was facing him.

"There's always time" John said as one hand returned to her breast and the other hand decided to make a journey down from her breast to her inner thigh. Natalie was wearing a skirt so John pulled it up with his hand as he moved his hand up and down on her inner thigh, higher and higher he brought her skirt up with his hand feeling her body start to slightly shake from the friction of his rough hand on her soft thigh skin. John's other hand removed itself from her breast and started unbuttoning the buttons on her shirt, one by one he unbuttoned each button as his mouth worked it's magic on her neck, finally after the last button John's mouth latched on to the lacy material of her bra leaving her unbuttoned shirt still on her shoulders. While suckling her nipple thru her bra John's hand joined it's partner at her thighs, both hands moved up and down her inner thighs as Natalie let out a small moan of pleasure. She had her eyes closed and she opened them briefly to see his actions on her body.

Natalie was definitely letting go, letting all the anxieties go and was just enjoying how he was making her feel, how wonderful he always made her feel. Natalie slightly pushed him away with her hands as her own hands came upon her breasts, John let out a small pout and Natalie gave him a small laugh, she took her hands squeezed her own breast for a second teasing him and then she unfastened the front clasp of her bra exposing her breast and already hardened nipples. John wasted no time bringing his hands and his mouth back to her breasts, his thumbs started working on one of her nipples as his mouth took her other nipple into his mouth suckling and teasing it with his actions. Natalie's hands went down to feel his erection thru his pants and John quickened his tongues actions on her nipples. He momentarily stopped all his actions and looked at her face, her eye's were closed and when she felt him stop she opened them and looked at him, John gave her a quick rough kiss and then got down on his knees, he lifted her skirt up and his hands removed her panties slowly as he caressed her sensitive area as he brought them down and off of her, Natalie tugged at his shirt as he was on his knees and he removed it, while still kneeling.

John got up off his knees picking her up with him as he did. Natalie's legs wrapped around him as he picked her up and she started driving her tongue in and out of his mouth, John gently placed Natalie onto the kitchen counter. He watched her as he saw her bite her bottom lip in anticipation. John leaned his head down in between her legs as she parted them for him and brought his mouth to her wet core as she laid back slightly on the counter, he brought his hands up to her nipples and started flicking them as he pushed his hot tongue in and out of her wetness, Natalie gripped the sides of the countertop with her fingers and her legs started to tremble with anticipation of his next actions. John used his tongue in a circular pattern around her clit and Natalie started to moan louder and louder. She was finally able to form a few words when she spoke to him.

"Please John, stop teasing me, take them off now," she said barely being able to breath. She reached her hand pulling on his belt loop and John knew she couldn't hold on much longer. He quickly removed his pants and boxers and picked her up off the counter. her legs went around him immediately and he drove inside her as he pushed her back up against the kitchen wall for support, he continued to hold her with on hand on her ass as she was firmly up against the wall, he drove into her a few more times as he felt her walls tighten around him, he kissed her deeply while looking at her face and he saw the sweat start to form on her forehead, he stopped his actions for a moment to try and slow things down when she felt him stop, she stared into his blue eye's, she licked her dry bottom lip and whispered into his ear.

" I love you John" was all that was needed for him to start driving again harder an deeper as he watched her face as her orgasm came upon her, John felt her walls trembling from inside her, her trembling caused his juices to start flowing and he released them as she was at the peak of her orgasm. They took a moment to look at each other as they stopped all movements, John lifted his hand and wiped away a few beads of sweat off her face, they smiled at each other and then he gently put her down. They softly kissed for a few moments and then Natalie took his hand and lead him into the bathroom for yet another shower before work.

John and Natalie had again gotten ready for work and left for the station. As they were driving to work Natalie stared out the window and couldn't help but notice what a nice day out it was, it was beautiful out, the weather was warm and sunny, she continued to look out the window when they drove passed the park, she couldn't help but notice all the kids playing on the swings at the park, all the mothers watching their children, all the babies being pushed in their baby carriages. All the things she never got to do with Elizabeth over these years, all the things she missed out on, she was becoming more and more impatient to see her daughter, to talk to her, to find out about her. They had a court date in a few days but Natalie felt as if she couldn't wait any longer, she knew John and the attorney both advised against it but she had to see her, even if it was just a quick glance at her. She knew John would try and talk her out of it so she decided not to tell him. She made a decision to lie to him, she knew he would be mad at her if and when he found out but this was her child that she longed to see not his, her child that was taken from her belly and was stolen. They arrived at the police station when John turned off the car and looked at Natalie. Natalie just sat there for a minute.

"What's wrong?" John asked as he saw her pale face

"I'm just not feeling well, I think I'll go back home and rest" Natalie told him not really lying about the first part since she had been feeling a little light headed and sick in spurts over the last month but she had chalked those feelings up to stress.

"Alright, I'll drive you back home" John answered her attempting to start the car

"No that's okay I'll go see Roxy at the salon and she'll drive me home, you're already late" she told him; she leaned into him and kissed her. John went into the station and Natalie was walking towards Foxy Roxy's when she stopped and headed towards the train station instead.

About an half hour later John was working at his desk when he remembered that he hadn't told Natalie he'd invited Michael over for dinner and now with her being sick maybe she wanted to cancel it all together. He picked up his phone and called the house line but got the answering machine, he called her cell but he got her voice mail, he was beginning to worry when he called Roxy. Roxy said she hadn't seen her today; John grabbed his coat and ran out the door of the station hoping she hadn't gone where he thought she'd gone.

Natalie arrived at AC, got a rental car and looked up the Dr's address. It was a Saturday so she figured and had hoped Elizabeth would be home today. She parked a few houses down from the Dr's house and stared at it for a few minutes before she approached the door. She rang the bell several times but no one came. She had just turned to walk away when she heard it, the most beautiful voice she had ever heard.

"Can I help you?" Elizabeth said as Natalie turned around to see her baby, her child, her daughter for the first time ever.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18 

Natalie took a seat on the couch and watched as Elizabeth stood several feet away looking around the apartment, she never met Natalie's eye's and Natalie gave her a few minutes to see if she would speak first but she didn't. Natalie pulled a throw pillow close to her and she started hugging it.

"Have you eaten?" Natalie asked while her chin rested on the top of the throw pillow

"Yes" Elizabeth answered short with an annoyed voice

Natalie thought maybe it would be best to clear the air a little, maybe speak about things and what was going on and then maybe they could be civil enough to get to know each other.

"Maybe it's a good idea if we talk about things first, you know what's going on with this court case and stuff. Then maybe we could get to know each other better." Natalie told Elizabeth as the girl stared anywhere but towards Natalie. Elizabeth finally focused towards Natalie and spoke still in an annoyed tone.

"Well I know all about the court case and what you are trying to do to my dad and I don't have any intentions of getting to know you better." Elizabeth said in a huff

Natalie heard the tone in her voice and she didn't like it, this kid, her kid was a spoiled brat, she thought about whether she should just put up with it so not to cause more aggravation or if she should put a stop to it now, the tone in her voice, the attitude, Natalie decided to hold off on saying something about the attitude knowing that she was probably just scared, scared about what was going on, scared because she didn't know Natalie, scared because of being in a new place with someone who was basically a stranger to her.

"I know you probably don't want to hear it but I'd like to tell you a few things, you don't have to talk to me or tell me anything but I'd like to explain things and then tell you a little bit about myself" Natalie spoke softly and patted the seat of the couch next to her for Elizabeth to take a seat but she didn't, she shook her head no and refused to, Natalie took a deep breath and began.

"I figure you're pretty confused right now, people are saying I'm you're mother and stuff, telling you I gave you up for adoption but I didn't. I tried my very best to keep you healthy inside me when I was pregnant and then ...well then I thought something was wrong with you and when I went to the clinic Dr winters told me you ...you.." Natalie wasn't quite sure if she should even be telling her all of this, Elizabeth did have a right to know, but when she got to the subject of them telling her she was dead inside her Natalie couldn't get the words out.

"That I was dead, I know, I know my dad told me all about what you are trying to lie to the judge about. But it wont work, you gave me away and now you just want me back, not sure why, but you want me back but I have a dad and I had a mom and I don't need you, I'll never need you, not ever" Elizabeth said as she stormed off into her room, she slammed the door before hurting Natalie with more of her words.

"You'll never be my mother, never, I hate you, I hate you" Elizabeth said as Natalie could hear her beating her bed with her fists.

Natalie sat on the couch stunned, she knew this wouldn't be easy and that it wouldn't happen over night but she wasn't prepared for this kind of rejection, to be rejected by the child she had hoped to get to know, the child that although they were apart for ten yrs the child that she loved. Natalie sat hugging the pillow while a tear fell from her eye. She knew what would make her feel better, John. John would know just what to say to make her feel better. She grabbed the phone and called him.

"Hey, it's me, I'm in a really bad place right now, she won't even give me a chance to talk and explain things, she doesn't even want to get to know me and now she won't come out of her room." Natalie told John on the phone as Natalie continued to sit on the couch with the pillow.

"you just have to give her time, she's sc--" John was saying as he heard Natalie drop the phone and run away.

"Natalie! Natalie what's wrong? Natalie!" John continued to say into the phone for a few minutes as she came back into the living room, picked the phone back up to continue to talk to him.

"I'm sorry, I got sick and had to run to the bathroom" Natalie told him

"Are you still feeling sick?" John questioned concerned noting she's been sick a lot lately

"On and off because of stress, I'm fine now" Natalie told him as she continued to speak with John and he calmed her nerves. They said goodnight a few hours later and Natalie locked up the apartment and turned off the lights. She walked over to Elizabeth's room and spoke to her thru the door.

"I understand you're scared and you really don't know me but I think if you give me a try you might like me. Maybe tomorrow we can do something fun and you can meet our family. Goodnight, I'll see you in the morning" Natalie said to her door

The next morning came quick and Natalie went out to the kitchen when she noticed Elizabeth's door still wasn't open. She walked by it and again spoke to it.

"You can't stay in there all day and all night for the next day and a half" Natalie spoke thru the door in a soft voice

"Oh! Yes I can" Elizabeth yelled thru the door

"You've got to eat and go to the bathroom sometimes" Natalie said, as she was about to turn and walk away into the kitchen for coffee.

"I'll make you breakfast, what ever you want," Natalie told her again thru the door but still no answer.

"suit yourself" Natalie said as she went into the kitchen to make coffee. A few minutes after that Natalie turned to see Elizabeth standing in the doorway.

"Do you have cereal?" Elizabeth asked and Natalie pointed to the shelf in the pantry with a few different cereals. Natalie got her a bowl, a spoon, and the milk. The two sat and ate their breakfast without any words spoken. After they finished eating breakfast Natalie started to clean up and she watched to see if Elizabeth would run off back into the room. She didn't.

"I didn't know if there was anything you wanted to do today but I thought it might be nice for you to meet your family and maybe even be officially introduced to my boyfriend John." Natalie mentioned to her still keeping a soft tone hoping Elizabeth would soften a little.

"You mean the guy with the long hair," Elizabeth asked

"Yes, that's John" Natalie answered as she wash the dishes in the sink from breakfast.

"Gross, I don't need to meet him," Elizabeth said making a gagging noise

"Well I think it would be good if you did, he and I plan on being married someday so that would make him your step dad, he would be part of our family." Natalie told her as she moved away from the sink towards Elizabeth who was still sitting at the table.

"I'm gonna tell ya again, you aren't my mom and you never will be, so he'll never be anything to me, nothing." Elizabeth yelled and stormed off into the room and spent the rest of the day in there. Elizabeth spent the next day and a half in the bedroom, only coming out for meals and to go to the bathroom, Natalie couldn't reach her not with her words, or with anything else for that matter.

Natalie's court case was not set to happen for a few months; the courts were extremely busy and even with Asa's pull they couldn't get the date moved up. Elizabeth came to visit every weekend where she proceeded to stay in the bedroom and only come out for meals, when she did occasionally come out she was bitter and nasty to Natalie. It had been eight weekends of this and it was really starting to affect Natalie, she was still getting sick here and there from the stress and emotionally she was a wreck.

Natalie was getting ready for work Monday morning after another horrible weekend with Elizabeth; she was putting on her makeup when she recalled their last conversation yesterday, actually Natalie's conversation with her thru the door.

"I know you don't understand things but... but all thou I really don't know too much about you, I still love you, you may not want to be but you are still a part of me and even when I didn't know you were alive I still loved you. You may not believe that I didn't give you up but it's true, I loved you when I carried you and if you could just give me a chance I could show you how much I still love you." Natalie told her thru the door

"No! If you love me so much than leave me alone, let me stay with my dad and my friends and stop forcing me to come here with you and your family. I hate it here; I hate you, all of you! I just want to go home and stay home." Elizabeth said to Natalie and then Natalie remembered how loud her daughters' crying was.

Natalie continued to think about that conversation and tears came to her eyes, she was making her miserable, sad and oh so miserable. Natalie came to a conclusion, she didn't want to see her this unhappy, she never wanted anything but happiness for her, and even with everything Dr. winters had done to her, he still took really good care of Elizabeth and he loved her. Natalie knew she had to find a way to let go, let go of the anger towards DR. Winters and let go of Elizabeth. It was what was best, best for Elizabeth. John walked in from out of the shower, he went over by Natalie who was standing in front of the mirror looking at herself, she had tears in her eye's, John went over by her and put his arms around her.

"Will you take me to AC today? " Natalie asked John

"Why?" John asked as he continued to hold her

"I need to see Dr. Winters" Natalie told him as he stared at her confused for a second

"Natalie, no! You're not suppose to be talking to him outside of court" John reminded her

"I have to, it's okay it doesn't matter anyways, I'm letting her go." Natalie said as a few more tears flooded her eyes and were released


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19 

John agreed to take Natalie to AC to see Dr. Winters he tried his best to talk her out of what she was about to do but he knew Natalie's decision was made, she needed to do this for Elizabeth. As they drove to AC John thought about what she told him she was going to do and why. She was going to let her go, let her be, she couldn't stand to see her child so miserable, Elizabeth was obviously happy with her dad and even John had to admit although the man was an ass he seem to take good care of her, he thought about some of the information he had on the Dr. and he seem to check out, he didn't seem to be involved in anything shady but there just was something about him John couldn't put his finger on. John shook it off thinking he just hated the man for what he took from Natalie, for telling Natalie that her baby was dead and for giving her to his dying wife. John knew all to well what it felt like to want to give the person you love everything, things maybe you thought were impossible. Deep down inside Natalie thought the same way, although he was a monster to her, he did it for his sick wife who couldn't have children, he had done it because he wanted to give her everything.

John thought some more about Natalie's decision, he thought how some might think it was giving up to soon, not fighting hard enough, not being strong enough, but John knew that wasn't the case. It was a selfless act, an act that was killing her inside and that would probably continue to kill her inside for years, heck maybe forever. She never ceased to amaze him, her strength, how strong of a person she was, to sacrifice her feelings to let her child be happy. To be happy with a man that did something so awful to her, she definitely had more strength than he did, he thought. He looked over at her in the passenger seat and he watched as he saw the sadness in her face. He had only hoped after all of this he could find the right time to finally ask her, ask her to marry him, then maybe they could plan the family they wanted together. The family they had dreamed about together, maybe that would help, help with her everyday heartache of not being able to be around her daughter.

Natalie sat in the car as John drove and she was speechless, she had explained why she needed to do what she needed to do, she felt it was right for Elizabeth, she didn't want to cause her anymore pain. She knew she had to do this although in her heart she didn't want to, all she wanted to do was hold her daughter and never let her go, but she couldn't, she hadn't even held her once, two months and she barely even held a conversation with her. She looked at John as she tried so very hard to make herself numb. This was the hardest decision she had ever had to make in her life. She continued to look over at John and she grabbed for his hand. She held it tightly as he drove with the other; she tightened her grip even more as a few tears escaped her eyes. She probably could've cried for hours, rivers full of tears right now but she couldn't, not now, after, after she did it, then she would give in to them, give in and let John hold her all night. She pushed the tears back far and deep as she noticed they arrived at the clinic.

John and Natalie walked into the Clinic holding hands as they saw Nurse Nancy was at her desk. When Nurse Nancy saw them she gave them a dirty look and then they asked to speak to Dr. Winters. Nurse Nancy almost refused to let them when John sternly insisted on it. Natalie was pointed towards the Dr.'s office and she asked John to let her do this alone. She went into his office to wait for him she took a seat. John waited impatiently right outside the door of the office, listening to make sure the Dr didn't do anything to Natalie. John looked around and noticed Elizabeth was sitting in a room down the hall. John approached the room with Elizabeth in it and he walked into it.

"What are you doing here? And don't tell me Natalie's here too" Elizabeth asked John when she saw him

"Natalie's in talking with your dad. " John answered her as he took a seat in a chair across from her.

"What's she talking to him about?" Elizabeth asked confused

"I'm not the one that should tell you, but. But what I can tell you is Natalie, your mother, it's really a shame you never took the time to get to know her, she's amazing, she's got more love than any body I've ever known, much more forgiveness than I've got that's for sure." John told her as he saw Elizabeth's face get stubborn

"Tell it to someone who cares" Elizabeth said as she got up out of her seat and started walking out of the door.

"It's your loss " John said as he watched her leave the room. John waited a few minutes and then he walked back over by the Dr's office to wait for Natalie.

Elizabeth left John in the room and she was curious to know what was going on, she walked into a exam room that was attached to her fathers office, she slightly opened the door and saw the back of Natalie sitting in the chair at her dad's desk. She watched and listened as her dad came into his office.

Dr Winters entered the room confused and he took a seat at his desk in front of her.

"What is it Ms. Buchanan, we really aren't suppose to be talking without our attorney present it could jeopardize our cases." Dr Winters told her in his usual arrogant tone

"That's what I want to talk to you about, I'm dropping my case" Natalie told him looking straight at him

"What do you mean you're dropping your case?" he asked in a confused tone

"Exactly what it sounds like, you had no right to do what you did but I can't sit around and watch her be so miserable weekend after weekend and then if I would get custody, I feel it would be worse. Although I hate you and you were wrong for taking my daughter away, I could understand why you felt you needed to give your wife a child."

"She was dying, it's all she ever wanted in life and I really did think at the time that I was doing what was best for you, you couldn't take care of a child at that age, you had no support from your mom you had no one" Dr Winters said as his tone was different, sincere.

"Stop right there, you had no right to take away my choice but I don't want to make this about that. It's about Elizabeth and I feel you've taken good care of her all these years and I won't be fighting you in court, she doesn't have to come for the weekends if she doesn't want to." Natalie said as she started to fidget with her fingers

"Are you sure?" Dr Winters asked her

"Yes, I don't want her to have a miserable childhood, I don't want her to grow up to resent me. Just know I will be keeping tabs on you, on her and if I find something out of line I'm going to be involved and if she ever wants to see me, I fully expect you to allow it." Natalie got the words out with sadness evident in her voice

"Thank you" He told her as he watched her rise from her seat

"Tell her I'm sorry" Natalie said as she ran out of the office before she could cry, she hadn't wanted to cry in front of him, not in this place, this clinic. She ran passed John and he followed her out to the car. He got in the car with her and the tears came, all the tears came, they came pouring out as he leaned in and grabbed her and held her.

A few days had passed and Natalie was at her desk at work when Nick had come over and sat at the chair next to her desk.

"How are you?" Nick asked with a small smile

"I'm okay, thanks," Natalie answered back with a sad smile

"I know we haven't had much time to talk over the last few months but I wanted to make sure you were alright, I mean.. I no things are tough with all that you've been thru but I'm glad you have John, I only wish it was me you were leaning on but.. John.. Well don't tell him I said so but he's a really good guy and I can tell he takes good care of you, I bet he even does all the cooking." Nick said as he saw her get a confused look on her face.

"Thanks, and you bet he does all the cooking?" Natalie said in a joking tone

"Yeah, well, I know you're not much of a cook and well, I actually think you look great but, you do look like you've put on a few pounds." Nick told her honestly

"Thanks, I think?" Natalie said and Nick leaned in and kissed her cheek, he got up and left her desk.

Natalie was still a little confused about what Nick had said, she didn't even realize she gained any weight, she walked into the locker room, she went by the long mirror and she lifted her shirt up by her belly. She looked at her belly and got really confused, she looked at her legs, they seem to be fine, nothing else seem to be any different, just her belly. Then it hit her, hit her like a ton of bricks. She searched her mind, searched her memory for her last cycle, she couldn't even remember it, then she remembered how sick she's been over the last three and a half months, she thought it was nerves.

"Oh. MY. God. I think I'm pregnant" Natalie said out loud to herself as she didn't see him come into the locker room looking for her.


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20 

"Oh. My. God. I think I'm pregnant" Natalie said as she didn't see him walk into the locker room.

"What?" Nick asked as Natalie turned around to see him,

"Ummm... umm... Nothing, I was talking to myself," Natalie told him as he walked closer to her

"I heard you Nat, you think you may be pregnant, does John know?" Nick said staring at her

"Of course John doesn't know, I just realized it was a possibility a few minutes ago" Natalie told him as she lifted up her shirt again to look at it in the mirror. She was in shock, how did she not know, how did she not realize it. Nick walked up behind her, as she looked at herself in the long mirror. Nick looked thru the mirror and into her eyes.

"He's one hell of a lucky guy" Nick told her as she released her shirt allowing it to fall back down over her belly. Natalie realized by Nick's words and his eye contact that he still held feeling for her.

"Nick I'm sorry, I never meant for you to get hurt," Natalie told him as she turned to face him

"I know" Nick told her and he leaned down to her cheek and placed a small kiss on it.

"I've gotta go, please don't tell John anything about this, Okay?" Natalie asked him as she ran out the door.

Natalie went right over to the hospital, she was glad for once Michael didn't seem to be working and she talked with Paige, Paige gave her all the routine tests for pregnancy and gave her Vitamins. Natalie headed home and tried to figure out how she was going to tell John about the baby, she knew he would be happy, she was happy, this was something they both wanted, they just didn't think it would happen so fast. Natalie arrived home and she sat, she sat and waited for John to come home from a case he was working on, a private case he told her, a case he didn't want anyone to know about.

John was heading home, home to Natalie's apartment, their apartment as he considered it, he was there every night, and soon he would be there every night forever. He told her he had a special case, a private case he had to work on tonight but that was a lie, a good lie, he had gone to his parents home in AC to find what he was looking for, the ring, the first ring his dad ever gave his mom, his mom had said she had wanted him to give to someone special one day, someone he loved, and that someone was Natalie. He found the simple ring earlier and he took it to a special jeweler to replace the diamond with a ruby. Natalie loved Rubies and it fit her personality so well, it fit them, their fire and passion for each other. He stopped off at a few other stores before heading home, heading home to ask her, he had waited this long and now it was time, it felt right, with all that had happen and with all that was coming up for them, it was most definitely time.

John arrived home and he walked into the apartment calling for her. She didn't answer, he briefly stopped by the pool table in the far corner of the living room and then headed into the bathroom when he heard a noise coming from it, she was sick again, he thought. She saw him as she was throwing up into the toilet, he rubbed her back gently and she sat there frozen. she looked up at him and spoke for a few minutes while she had the chance in between getting sick.

"I had this whole thing planned out for us tonight, I..I wanted to make it special for you, special so I could tell you and here I am getting sick in the toilet, real special huh? I'm just going to tell you, I can't wait, I'm not sure when this bout is going to end. John, I'm… I'm..." Natalie said staring up at him as she felt things coming up again and she proceeded to be sick in the toilet

"You're having my Baby" John said as she turned and gave him a confused look

"I already know Nat" John said as he got her a glass of water from the sink behind him. Natalie stood and she sipped it.

"I'm gonna kill Nick" Natalie said in a controlled calm voice

"What? What does Nick have to do with this?" John asked her him now being confused.

"Oh, It's not important, how? I mean… I just found out" Natalie told him as they walked into the bedroom

"Natalie, give me a little credit will ya, I'm a damn detective, I put the clues together and figured it out" John told her

"Why? Why didn't you tell me?" Natalie asked as they sat on the bed

"Well… I guess I didn't tell you because I was so excited about it when I figured it out, excited and happy but...but I didn't have hard proof of it so I didn't want to say it and chance the both of us getting disappointed. Things were pretty messed with Elizabeth and the whole custody thing so I didn't want you to be even more upset if it wasn't true." John told her as he watched her walk into the other room and take a seat on the couch.

"I can't believe you knew, and knew before me" Natalie said still a little confused about John realizing before her.

"Hey, look at me" John said as he saw she wouldn't meet his eyes.

"There's nothing wrong with not realizing it, you've been pretty preoccupied with things" John told her as she looked at him and she gave him a small grin

"I just... it's just been a long time, I mean ...I'm four months pregnant and I didn't even know" Natalie told him as John got speechless

"Did...did you say four months, as in you'll.. We'll be having a baby in less than six months" John asked as nerves started in, it officially hit him, he was going to be a father in less than half a year. John looked into Nat's eyes.

"Yeah, in five months, five months and we'll be parents" Natalie told him, as her eye's got glassy, she was thinking about Elizabeth. John knew what she was thinking about and he knew it was time. Time to change her mood, to lighten the mood.

"Hey, what do ya say we play some pool to celebrate that I'm going to be the best dad ever?" John told her as he smiled and took her hand, he led her to the pool table in the corner, and the pool table they bought a few months ago but barely used.

" I bet I could still beat you, you know pregnant and all" Natalie said as she walked with him over to the table, they stood by the table for a few minutes when Natalie stood in front of him and looked into his eye's, she brought her hand to his cheek and caressed it.

"Thank You" Natalie told him softly

"For what?" John asked softly matching her tone

"For giving me a baby and for giving me your love" Natalie told him as she leaned into him to kiss him. but before she did he spoke.

"Anytime kid, anytime, " John told her with a smirk as they gently kissed.

"Now are ya gonna break or what?" John asked after the kiss and he went to the far end of the table while she started racking the balls.

"We're missing one?" Natalie told him as she racked the balls

"Better look in the pockets" John said as he started to chalk his stick, he watched her closely as she checked one pocket and there wasn't any missing ball in it, then she checked another pocket and he saw a curious look run across her face, she pulled something out of the pocket of the table.

"John" Natalie said as she pulled out a beautiful ruby ring, she looked at it and then at him, he walked closer to her, got down on one knee in front of her and watched as her eye's lit up.

"Natalie, I'm not really sure what to say" John told her playfully as she laughed and slapped him gently on the shoulder.

"You better find the words Mcbain," she said joking as he got a twinkle in his eye.

"Marry me Natalie? I would also ask you to have my baby but that's already happening s---" John was saying as Natalie leaned down and kissed him to shut him up.

" You talk to much " Natalie said as John stood up and they continued to kiss, they walked away from the pool table kissing and then John stopped right outside their bedroom door. Natalie didn't know why he stopped, he stopped and then she did.

"What?" Natalie said still holding the ring in her hand

"Well, yes or no?" he said smiling knowing she would say yes.

"Hmmm... I think I need some time to think about it" she said joking as he took the ring out of her hand

John put the ring on her finger, he pushed it all the way up and he kissed the ring as it was on her finger.

"I love you Natalie, I plan on Loving you forever" John told her as he picked her up and carried her the last few feet into the bedroom. Natalie grabbed onto his neck as he put her on the bed gently. She looked into his eyes.

"Yes" Natalie said as John came down on top of her and started kissing her neck.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21 

A month had gone by when John and Natalie decided to have a short engagement; they wanted to get married before the baby was born. They had decided they didn't want a big deal of a wedding so they planned on going to the courthouse in a few days, they asked just a few family members to attend and it would be simple. Simple, they didn't need it to be more than that, they knew how they felt for each other and was the important part.

Natalie sat in the chair in the living room waiting for Jessica to arrive, it would only be a few hours before they met John at the courthouse and made it official. as Nat sat she couldn't help but wonder what life was going to bring her, she already had everything she ever wanted, she had John, she was having his baby. She felt the sadness come over her but she fought it, fought it hard. She knew something she thought she might never have or at least not for a very long time, her daughter, her Elizabeth, she had spoken to her once or twice on the phone over the last month an although it seemed like a start the girl still didn't want to have anything to do with visiting her or spending any actual time with her, it saddened Natalie to think that she was growing up and Natalie still couldn't be a part of it, it sadden her to think she was having a baby well, actually two babies but John didn't know, she was keeping it a secret. These two babies were to be Elizabeth's siblings and Natalie was upset to think that she might never let herself take the time to be part of a family with brothers and sisters, take the time to be a part of Natalie and John's family. Natalie remembered how nice it was once she realized how much her family loved her even Kevin. It was an amazing feeling and she again hoped that Elizabeth would someday want to be a part of that, a part of their lives. She heard Jessica at the door and she came out of her thoughts, she called for her to come in and Jessica did.

Jessica came in and they talked for a little while until it was time to get ready to go over and meet John at the courthouse.

John arrived at AC and knocked on Dr. Winters door, John was impatient so he knocked again quickly, John was in a bit of a rush, the train got him into AC a half hour late and now he had barely enough time to try and convince Elizabeth to come to the ceremony at the court house with him. Dr. Winters answered the door and was shocked to see John there.

"Detective Mcbain, how can I help you?" Dr Winters asked and John wasn't sure how to judge his tone.

"I need to talk to Elizabeth" John told him and the Dr's face was filled with a mixture of confusion and mistrust. Before the Dr could ask why Elizabeth came to the door.

"Hey, what's going on?" Elizabeth asked when she saw John

"Elizabeth, I came to see if maybe you'd like to come back to Llanview with me, Natalie and I are getting married in a few hours and I know it would mean a lot to her if you were there." John asked her and the girl looked confused, she almost looked like she would say yes when Dr winters answered for her.

"Elizabeth's busy today, she can't go" Dr winters said and Elizabeth looked at him

"No, I'm not!" Elizabeth told her dad defiantly and he gave her a stern look back. Elizabeth backed down a bit.

"He's right, I'm busy today," Elizabeth said and John could have sworn he heard a bit of disappointment in her voice.

"Are you sure, cause I could have someone, maybe Natalie's dad bring you home afterwards, you might have fun, it's only going to be a few family members so it won't be overwhelming" John said and he saw her face again get a optimist look

"Oh, and I think Natalie may want to tell you about the baby" John told her and she got a real curious look on her face

"Ha! Don't tell me she's gotten herself knocked up again out of wedlock" Dr winters said arrogantly as both John and Elizabeth turned and couldn't believe what he had the nerve to say.

"Excuse Me!" John said as he was took a few steps closer to the Dr when Elizabeth stepped up and spoke.

"I think I'd like to go. I wanna go dad," Elizabeth told them Elizabeth went inside to get ready and left John and her dad on the stoop by themselves.

John approached Dr winters quietly with a bit of a smirk on his face.

"If you ever talk about her like that again, and in front of her daughter you'll have to deal with me." John told him as he got in his face. Dr winters didn't say anything and then John backed up as he saw Elizabeth come out the door with her stuff.

"Don't worry dad, I'll be fine, I'll be back late or maybe if it's alright, if I feel like it I'll stay over" Elizabeth told her dad and she kissed him goodbye, John could see Dr. Winters steaming but he didn't do anything to make a scene or stop Elizabeth from going. John and Elizabeth went to the train and john looked at his watch, it was going to be close, he thought. John and Elizabeth were silent for a long time on the train when John asked her a question.

"What do they call you?" John asked as he turned to face her.

"What, what do you mean, they call me Elizabeth?" she asked confused

"I mean for short, Liz or Beth?" John asked

"They don't call me anything other then Elizabeth, why?" she asked

"I see.. It's just... Elizabeth is ...so formal, you sure they've never called you Liz? You look like a Liz, Elizabeth is a little stuffy." John told her with a smirk

"How about we call you Liz or do you like Beth better?" John asked her trying to get her to open up a little bit.

"I really like Elizabeth" she told him and turned to look out the window of the train

Forty-five minutes later they were running off the train and down the block to the courthouse.

Natalie stood in the Judges chambers with her family, John was already thirty five minutes late and she couldn't reach him on his cell phone. The judge was getting impatient and so was Asa, he had already had a fight with Clint over Natalie leaving the poor bastard referring to John cause he was so late. The judge walked over to Natalie who looked beautiful in her cream-colored short simple dress, her belly stood out a bit but and she looked beautiful. The judge told Natalie he could only give John five more minutes when they all looked up when they heard him come into the room running. John stood for a few minutes trying to catch his breath and get some words out.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm late" John said and looked over to Natalie

"Well, ya better be Mcbain, now can we get on with this?" Natalie told him as she walked closer to him

"Just a minute, I have a surprise for you" John said as he held up a finger and then he opened the door and Elizabeth walked in.

Natalie saw her walk in and her heart melted, her eye's got teary and she was speechless. Her daughter had come here and at her own free will, and John, he had brought her here, here for her, for this day. She wanted to go over and hug both of them when the Judge cleared his throat and told them he needed to be somewhere. Instead of going over and hugging Elizabeth she smiled at her.

"Thank you for coming, I'm glad you're here" she told her as she took a spot standing across from John as the Judge said a few words. Rex made his way over by Elizabeth and stood next to her without words to try and make her feel comfortable, he made a few weird faces and she warmed up to Rex instantly.

The Judge said the few important words legally marrying them and then he left. Natalie and John kissed softly. Everyone congratulated them and then Asa and Renee informed them that they had a small dinner party waiting at the Palace for them.

Everyone had gone to the Palace for the party and Natalie looked at Elizabeth who was off in the corner talking to Star. She seemed different, Natalie thought. Relaxed, she seems to be having a good time. John came up behind her and put his arms around her, she leaned into him.

"Thank you" Natalie told him softly as he nibbled on ear and she laughed.

"I didn't do anything that warrants a thank you, but later I'm sure you'll have a reason to thank me" John said joking as he continued to nibble on her ear.

"John, there's a room full of family here" Natalie reminded him while she laughed

"I know but we just got married, this is the only day I'm aloud to be this frisky in public" John told her as he started to kiss the back of her neck

"And in front of my dad?" Natalie said as she laughed. John laughed too, and then after a few moments he noticed she was staring at Elizabeth in the corner.

"Why don't you go over to her?" John whispered in her ear

"Not yet, she's having so much fun I don't want to spoil it for her" Natalie told him as she turned in his arms to look into his eyes. She touched his cheek with her hand

"I can't believe you did this, I can't believe you brought her here, I can't believe she's actually here. I love you John Mcbain, how did I ever get along in life without you" Natalie told him as she pulled their bodies together and kissed him, as john was pressed up against Nat's body the babies kicked.

"They kicked, did you feel that?" Natalie asked as she put his hand on her stomach.

"They Huh?" John asked joking

"You know what I meant, the baby, the baby kicked" Natalie told him covering up the fact that she was hiding. Natalie looked away from John briefly to see Elizabeth approaching them.

"Hey" Elizabeth said as she approached them

"Hey, are ya having a good time?" Natalie asked and Elizabeth shook her head yes

"If it's alright, I'd like to call my dad and tell him I'll be staying the night, if that's okay, I can stay with one of the Buchanan's, I know it's your wedding night and all." Elizabeth told Natalie and her eyes teared up again. Natalie looked at John.

"Call your dad and tell him you'll be staying with us" John told her as he looked at Natalie and she mouthed a Thank You. Elizabeth smiled at Natalie and turned to walk away and make her call to Dr. Winters but before she walked to far she stopped and spoke.

"I think I'd like to be called Liz" she said and then smiled at John as she walked away.


	22. Chapter 22

**Chapter 22**

Dr winters sat on his couch waiting for Elizabeth to come home; she had spent not just the night with Natalie and John but the whole weekend. He was becoming impatient when she walked into the house.

"I'm home" she called out into the house

"I'm so glad you're home, did you have a good time?" He asked her as he saw her happy face.

"Yeah I did, Natalie she's great, and John is so funny when he talks that is, and I have this huge family, there's uncles , aunts, cousins. I had a ball, Natalie even let me in on a little surprise for John, she's having two babies, I'm going to have two brothers or sisters or one of each, I can't believe it" Elizabeth told him when she saw his face become bitter looking but his voice was calm.

"Elizabeth dear, I'm your family, Natalie's babies won't be anything to you, she gave you up remember, remember " He told her and she started to become unraveled.

"Yes, I remember dad, I'm gonna go to my room and read" Elizabeth told him, she kissed him quickly and walked to her room. Once in her room Elizabeth couldn't help but be upset, she was having such a great time with Natalie, John and everyone that she had forgotten that Natalie had given her away, given her away when she was born. She sat on her bed and took out a box from under it, she opened the box, it was some stuff her mom had left for her when she died, there was even some stuff in the box that her mom had told her she wanted her to know about when she was older, much older. Elizabeth flipped thru the stuff when she came to, two large envelopes. They had her name on them and a note not to open till she was twenty-one. She stared at the envelopes, she had seen them before, she looked thru this box when she was sad or missing her mom, but she had never opened them, she thought about it, she was curious but decided against it. She put the envelopes back in the box and put the box back under her bed and took out a book and started reading.

Another few months had gone by and Elizabeth was coming to stay a few weekends a month, Natalie was about four weeks away from her due date and she felt as big as a house. This last weekend Elizabeth had wanted to come and spend time with Natalie but Dr. Winters had said No, he was getting more and more frustrated with the amount of time Elizabeth was spending with Natalie and her family, he felt threatened by them, by the relationship that was forming between Elizabeth and her real mom.

Natalie was just pulling herself up out of the chair when the phone rang.

"Hello" Natalie answered as she picked up the phone

"Natalie it's me, My dad and I had a big fight, he doesn't want me to come and spend time with you anymore, and there's other stuff too, I locked myself in my room, I'm afraid" Elizabeth told Natalie as Natalie heard the Dr's muffled screams thru the phone, Natalie didn't like the way he was screaming.

"I'm coming there, stay in your room" Natalie told her as she grabbed her purse, she tried to call John on his cell but got his voicemail. She left him a message and then headed to the train.

Natalie arrived at AC and got a car, she got a sharp pain in her belly but it went away quickly, she chalked it up to braxton hicks contractions, she had been getting them a lot lately. She drove to the house as fast as she could, she banged on the door.

"Where's Elizabeth?" she asked Dr. Winters as he answered the door. Natalie didn't wait to be asked in, she barged in the door, and she again felt her belly hurt. She hugged it and leaned over.

"Mrs. Mcbain, are you alright?" Dr Winters said calmly

"I'm fine, where's my daughter" Natalie asked as she again felt her stomach, she knew this one was for real, she was having contractions, but it was too soon, she had four more weeks.

"Elizabeth and I just had a disagreement, you better sit down, are you in labor?" Dr winters asked as he got a certain cold look to his eyes.

Natalie let out a scream of pain and Elizabeth came running from her bedroom.

"Natalie, are you alright?" she asked as she saw Natalie take a seat on the couch

"She's in labor, quick get me my bag" Dr winters told Elizabeth as he approached Natalie.

"NO! Get away from me, you're not coming anywhere near me and my babies" Natalie told him as she got off the couch pushing him away

"Don't be ridiculous Mrs. Mcbain, your contractions seem to close together, you can't have your babies alone." DR Winters said as he guided Natalie back to the couch

"No! " Natalie again told him as she saw Liz come back in with his bag

"It's Okay Mom, It's okay, let him" Liz told Natalie and Natalie along with Dr winters realized it was the first time she called her mom.

"I promise, I'll be right her with you, it'll be alright" Liz told Natalie trying to reassure her as Natalie felt a burning sensation between her legs, she screamed and Dr. Winters looked and saw the baby was crowning.

"Dad, shouldn't I call an ambulance?" Elizabeth asked him as he was preparing to deliver Nat's babies

"Yes, call them, tell them a Dr is delivering a baby that mother and child will need transport." Dr Winters told Elizabeth and then Liz went and called the ambulance.

Natalie was in so much pain that she passed out for a few moments, then she felt the burning sensation again and felt like she needed to push.

"I've gotta push" Natalie told him as she pulled herself back up to a seated position on the couch.

"Okay then Mrs. Mcbain push" the Dr instructed and Natalie began to push as Elizabeth stood behind Dr Winters

Natalie pushed and pushed till a beautiful baby girl was born, Elizabeth's eyes went wide as she saw the baby being born. Dr Winters wrapped the baby in a blanket that Elizabeth had brought into the room when she got his bag. Then Dr. Winters asked Elizabeth to get a laundry basket from the laundry room to use as a bassinet, when Elizabeth left the room Dr. Winters left in between Natalie's legs, he had the Baby in his arms, he walked over to her and leaned down as he saw her panting from the contraction for the next baby.

"Now that you've got Elizabeth back you won't be needing another girl" he whispered in her ear as walked towards the kitchen door.


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23 

"Now that you've got Elizabeth back you won't be needing another girl" Dr winters whispered into Nat's ear and then he walked towards the kitchen door. Natalie was in some much pain with the contractions and the burning sensation of the next baby coming that she screamed loudly not being able to form words.

John was on his way to Dr. Winters house, he had gotten a voice mail from Natalie saying she was heading to AC cause there was a problem with Elizabeth, he got an uneasy feeling come over him and he was rushing over to the house when an ambulance came up behind him in his car. he moved to the right letting it pass and then he felt a knot in his stomach, he followed right behind the ambulance and with every turn his knot got bigger and bigger, he followed the ambulance right to the Dr.'s house and he slammed the car into park and jumped out of it, he ran into the house and stood for a few moments, moments that felt like they were in slow motion. John looked over to see Natalie on the couch and she seems to be in labor. She seemed to be trying to scream something in between all the pain when he ran over to her.

Natalie was still trying to get the words out to tell John about what Dr Winters did when she felt the second baby crowning. She pulled at all her strength and let out one last try at telling him.

"He... took... her!" Natalie screamed out as John ran over to her legs to see the top of the baby's head, just then the paramedics ran in and John took his place next to Natalie as it was time to push the baby out. Natalie kept trying to get John's attention to go after the Dr but he didn't understand her.

"Elizabetttttttth!" Natalie screamed, thinking maybe Liz could come and tell John. Natalie sat up about to push again. This time she pushed so hard the baby came right out. As soon as she felt the pain ease from the baby being out she turned to John.

"He took her John, he took her!" John saw something in Natalie's face and was confused as the paramedics took the baby, wrapped him in a blanket and held him up.

"It's a boy" a medic said as Liz walked into the room. Liz saw the paramedic had the baby and her father was gone.

"John! He took our girl!" Natalie told John, as Elizabeth stood frozen in her spot.

"Where's my sister? Where's my dad? He took her, he took my sister" Liz said and John looked at her, he heard Natalie speak and he turned his attention back to her.

"Two John, there was two" Natalie told him and John finally realized she wasn't talking about Liz this whole time; she wasn't talking about him taking Liz all those years ago.

Elizabeth was in some kind of shock, shock that her father could do this, she stood frozen as she, Natalie and the paramedics saw John take out his gun and start to walk away.

"He went thru the kitchen, it's been a few minutes" Natalie managed to get out in between sobs and the pain. One of the medics's tried to hand her, her son but she was too weak and distraught to hold him. One of the paramedics told her they needed to get her to the hospital as they saw John go into the kitchen with his gun out. A few minutes later John walked out of the kitchen on his cell phone, he had searched the house but Dr. Winters wasn't there, he was having the police put out an APB on him. John saw Liz still standing in shock in the corner, he saw the paramedics raise Natalie onto the gurney to take her to the hospital. John walked over to Liz.

"Do you know anywhere he might have taken her?" John asked, as Liz still stood frozen, she didn't speak. John saw she was still very much in shock. He got down to her eye level and stared into her eyes.

"Liz, I need you to go with Natalie to the hospital, can you do that? I need you to take care of her," John asked her and she nodded her head yes. John ran over to Natalie and his son before the medics could take them out of the house.

"I'll find her. I promise, I won't let him take another baby from you" John told Natalie as Nat pulled on his hand pulling his face down closer to hers.

"Please" Natalie said and John's eyes became teary, he brought his forehead to hers, he kissed her gently and then he moved away so the medic's could take her out.

"Liz" Natalie called over to her when they all saw Liz run into the other room for a minute.

"Liz!" Natalie screamed as Liz came back into the room with a box of stuff. Liz quickly fumbled thru the box for the envelopes her mom left for her, for when she got older and she dropped the rest of the box on the floor, she handed the envelopes to John without words and then she ran after Natalie as the paramedics pushed the gurney out of the house.

John watched them leave and then he opened the envelopes Liz gave him. He noted by the wording on the front of them that they seem to be from Liz's dead mom, Dr Winter's wife, it seemed she had wanted Liz to open them when she was older, much older. John opened one of the envelopes and as soon as he did he knew why, he also knew why Liz and the Dr must have been fighting today. John read into the first envelope a little more, it was evidence, proof, proof in forms of copies of checks, adoption documents and even medical information, all proof that not only had Dr Winters stolen Liz from Natalie all those years ago claiming she was stillborn but he had done it to at least ten other teenager girls over the last ten years. He was stealing their babies and selling them to the highest bidder.

John sat on the couch that Natalie was just laying on a few minutes ago, the couch that his two children were just born on and he went over the file for clues, for anything to where the Dr might be taking his daughter. He sat studying the file and waited for the ACPD to get there. He wasn't quite sure if he could do this one alone, he was becoming more and more emotional as he read the files thru, he took a break from the one envelope and then opened the other. He took out what seem to be pictures of Natalie, pictures of Natalie at the clinic, she was pregnant in most of them, he touched one of the pictures gently, his finger skimming the face of a scared sixteen year old, a tear escaped his eye and ran down his face. He wiped it away, he pushed them back, he pushed his tears back, he pushed them all back, he couldn't afford to show any kind of emotion right now, right now emotion would be a handicap in finding his child. John put that file down and went back to the other one. He read over it, over and over and then he read something about where the Dr would make the exchange, the exchange for cash and the baby. He got a gut feeling he was onto something and he ran out of the house, calling the police as he left.

Natalie and Liz along with Nat's baby boy arrived at the hospital about an hour ago; they were resting in Natalie's hospital room. Natalie and the baby were checked by a Dr and was said to be fine. Neither Natalie nor Liz had spoken any words since leaving the house, both very much upset about what had happened. Finally after a long while Natalie heard Liz speak in a soft whisper.

"Don't be mad at me," Liz said towards Natalie and Natalie looked up from the bed at her.

"I'm not mad at you, I could never be mad at you, this isn't your fault" Natalie told her as she extended a hand out off the bed to Liz who was sitting in a chair across the room. Liz saw her hand reaching for her and she got up out of the chair and walked over to her with tears in her eyes.

"But I knew, I knew. I knew what he did, what he's done. I shouldn't have told you to trust me" Liz told Natalie as Natalie slightly moved herself back on the bed, she made room for Liz to get into the bed with her, Elizabeth got in the bed with her and Natalie held her as the child cried.

"I know you didn't give me up, I know he took me from you" Liz said as a whisper as she cried.

"It doesn't matter now, we're together and I love you" Natalie told her as she continued to hold her.

John arrived at the carousel on the boardwalk, he went around the back hoping, praying his gut instinct was right about this. It had to be; he needed his gut to be right on the money this time, he personally had a lot riding on it. John stood hidden in the back by the control panel of the carousel as a few officers that had arrived when John did were stationed more towards the front. John watched for a few minutes and then he saw him, Dr Winters and nurse Nancy his accomplice, the nurse had the baby, his baby, his daughter, and they were walking near the carousel obviously watching for someone. John was trying to be patient about this, trying to wait till the other people, the people who thought they were buying his child arrived but he couldn't do it, he had to get her out of the arms of those horrible people. He took out his gun and moved out into the open, he approached them face-to-face.

"Bring me my baby or I'll shoot the good Dr. Do not tempt me!" John told Nurse Nancy as they all stood staring at each other.


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24 

"Bring me my baby gently or I'll shoot the good Dr. Do Not Tempt Me!" John told Nurse Nancy as he had his gun pointed straight at Dr. Winter's head. Nurse Nancy took a look around and saw that a few officers walked out from their hidden cover. She looked at Dr. Winters who was starting to shake a little. John saw her hesitating so he moved closer to the Dr. He stood a few feet away and still had his gun pointed at his head.

"Hand her over or I'll shoot him" John said and he didn't blink, he had his gun so close to the Dr that the Dr was getting nervous, real nervous. John heard something trickling and looked to see the Dr. had peed himself, John just smiled to himself and he saw the Dr motion for Nurse Nancy to do as John asked. John saw Nurse Nancy ready to hand over his daughter but he never took his eyes or his aim off the good Dr.

"Hand her to one of the officers" John told Nurse Nancy and one of the police officers put his weapon away, went forward and took the baby from Nurse Nancy, the officer walked over to the side out of the way.

"She handed her over, you can put your gun away Detective" one of the officers told John but John didn't budge. He stood staring at the man who had put Natalie thru so much pain, so much heartache, the man who was about to sell his daughter. It would have been so easy to just shoot him and put the world out of it's misery, he wouldn't be missed not a scumbag like him.

"Detective!" an officer again said demanding this time. John heard him and he got closer to Dr. Winters ear. He leaned in while still having the gun out but had a loosened grip on it.

"You know, the world wouldn't even miss you if I killed you, as a matter a fact I might even get a metal" John told him and then took his gun down, he put his gun away, he turned around briefly to catch his train of thought when he couldn't believe it, the balls on this asshole.

"You should have waited, been patient, my lawyer can find away to explain this and then I'll be out, there is no real evidence that I did anything wrong, not now and not ever" Dr. Winters told John as his back was still to him. John turned slowly and looked in his eyes.

" I take it you thought your wife was stupid. You actually think you are that smart don't ya? I mean a good Dr. like you. " John said as he approached him as one of the officers cuffed Nurse Nancy and then proceeded to cuff Dr Winters

"Don't know what I'm talking about do you? Or maybe you do? Maybe you just can't believe it. Can't believe that Liz gave us the evidence that your dead wife left her. You know the evidence you and Liz must have been fighting about, the evidence proving that you told teenage girls that their babies were stillborn when they were really alive, evidence that proves you sold those babies to the highest bidder. I guess you thought Liz could over look the fact that you were a monster." John told Dr Winters as he was finished being handcuffed. Dr. Winters was dumbfounded. He didn't speak any more words.

"I'm just curious about one thing, why'd you keep Natalie's baby? Why'd you keep Liz and not sell her? You could have taken any one of those babies and given them to your wife." John asked as he continued to stare intensely at the Dr.

"She was beautiful, my wife dreamed of a beautiful red headed little girl" The Dr. said as the officer finished handcuffing him and was starting to guide him to the police car.

"Don't worry about Liz, I'l--" John started to say as he walked next to the Dr and the officer when his words were cut off.

"Her name is Elizabeth," the Dr said as he turned slightly and looked at John.

"Again, don't worry about Liz, she's got Natalie and I now, I'll be raising her as my own." John said as he took his little girl from the officer and he walked towards his car.

Natalie was still holding Liz on the bed when she realized Liz must have fallen asleep. Natalie laid there praying John could find their baby girl, she knew he'd move heaven and earth to find her but Natty still couldn't help but be nervous, nervous till John and their daughter were back here, till all of them were together. Natalie was still thinking and praying for the return of her baby girl when the nurse came into the room wheeling her son in the bassinet. Natalie hadn't had anytime to really hold him since they got to the hospital, the Dr's had taken him right away and wanted to do routine newborn blood tests on him. The nurse saw Liz asleep and she whispered to Natalie that the baby had just fallen asleep. Natalie acknowledged her words with a nod and the nurse left.

A few minutes later Natalie heard her son start to fuss in the bassinet. She gently got out of the bed so not to wake Liz and she walked over to him. She picked him up in her arms for the first time, she looked at his little face and her tears that had just subsided not to long along started filling her eye's. She heard a familiar voice by the door to her room and she looked up to see Rex.

"Hey, how ya holding up?" Rex asked as he came into the room quietly trying not to wake Liz still asleep on the bed. Natalie just looked at him with the tears ready to fall when he walked closer to her. Natalie put her son back down in the bassinet and Rex came even closer and put his arms around her and held her for a few minutes before she spoke.

"What are you doing here?" Natalie asked him wondering if and what he knew about what was going on.

"John called, briefly told me what happened and told me you would need me" Rex told her as he looked at her , he watched her trying to stop more tears from further escaping.

"Was he wrong? I mean.. maybe you don't need me here? At least here till he gets back with your baby girl" Rex asked her knowing that even if she wouldn't admit it she would need him here.

"I do need you here" Natalie said as they saw Liz starting to stir on the bed. Rex turned his attention back to Natalie after looking at Liz beginning to wake.

"What do you need Natty? What can I get you to make you feel better?" Rex asked as he saw how distraught she really was. There was no hiding it under her strong exterior; Natalie was a mess, in pieces.

"I need my baby back," Natalie told him as he pulled her to his shoulder and hugged her for a few seconds

"I wish I could give you that Natty, I wish I could" Rex told her softly as they both broke the hug when they heard John's voice.

"I can give that to you, I can give her back to you" John said as he looked at Nat and Rex. Natalie saw John and he was holding their little girl in his arms. John walked closer and handed Natalie their daughter, Natalie held her for the first time ever. More tears escaped but they were thankful tears, tears running down her face thanking God for not letting anything happen to her baby.


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25 

"I can give that to you, I can give her back to you" John said as he walked a little closer to Natalie and Rex, he put their daughter in Natalie's arms for the first time, Nat's eye's filled again with tears, tears of thankfulness, tears thanking God for bringing her back safe.

Natalie stood and held her daughter as she ran a hand over her soft cheek. Liz got out of the bed and walked closer to them. Natalie saw her and she smiled at her then she looked over at John.

"Wanna meet your son?" she asked him as she stared into his blue eyes.

"I'd love too," he said and he reached into the bassinet and took him out. John stared into his little face and he saw him yawn, the baby opened his mouth wide and john could see into his whole mouth.

"Unbelievable" John said as he continued to stare at him.

"Yeah, it's pretty amazing isn't it? Amazing how something like these too, and like Liz was when she was a baby could grow inside of you" Natalie said as she and Liz both watched the baby girl in Natalie's arms.

"Well actually I meant it's unbelievable how big of a mouth he has, just like his mother" John said joking; Natalie looked at him and gave him a smirk.

"I'm so happy right now even your lame attempt at a joke couldn't bother me" Natalie said as she smiled at him.

Rex was standing there this whole time just looking around at the five of them, he thought about how Natty had always wanted this, this kind of family and he was happy for her. He heard Nat say something about the baby needing to be changed and he decided that was his cue to leave.

"I'm outta here, Rex don't wanna see no diapers being changed. Hey kid you wanna go to the cafeteria for some Ice cream?" Rex said joking and then he asked Liz if she wanted to go with him to the cafeteria knowing John and Nat needed a little alone time with all that had happened. Liz shook her head yes and she and Rex left the room.

Natalie turned to John and gave him a huge smile. John got a little closer with the babies still in their arms and leaned in an gave her a gentle soft kiss. They continued to kiss for a few seconds when their baby boy started crying.

"He's already jealous of me kissing his mommy" John joked, turned and walked towards the window with him trying to calm him.

"See son, this is AC, both mommy and I grew up here but we didn't meet and fall in love till we left this place. It's a great place but the place where mommy and I met is so much better. It's called Llanview, and it's home." John said to his son as he held him close to his chest while staring out the window. John was caught up starting to think about his own father and how proud he would be to see his grandson, his grandchildren.

Natalie heard him speaking to their son over by the window and she moved a little closer, she held their daughter closer to her chest with one arm and she put her hand on his back for a moment. John turned to look at her as she replaced her hand back holding their daughter with both again.

"Thinking about your dad aren't you?" Nat asked as he stared into her eyes.

"Yeah, he would have loved to see this, he loved babies, and he would have loved you too." John said with a soft smile.

"You know, we can't just continue to call them babies, or baby girl and baby boy Mcbain" Natalie told him still continuing to stare into his glassy blue eye's.

"Wanna name him after your dad?" Natalie asked John as she saw John think about it.

"How about his middle name, there's a name my dad always liked, he always said if he and my mom had a third child, boy or girl they'd name it Aiden." John said and Natalie laughed.

"It's true he said boy or girl he'd name it that," John said with a small smirk himself

"No, it's not that, it's just.. well I've been racking my brains with all the names out there, I got a book the other day and I found that name and thought it would be perfect." Natalie told him as their daughter started to fuss, Natalie picked her up on her shoulder and started to sway back and forth to keep her quiet.

"Aiden Thomas Mcbain, I like it, I really like it" John said as he watched Natalie try and quiet their little girl but it wasn't happening. He put Aiden down on the bed for a second and then motioned for Natalie to give him their daughter to try and calm her. Natalie picked up Aiden as John instantly calmed their baby girl.

"I can't believe it, she's already a daddy's girl" Natalie said with a playful sarcastic tone.

"Well, what about this little one, any idea's on her name?" john asked Natalie as he watched her now with Aiden.

"Well...there's this name that's becoming popular and I really like it, it's a little different." Natalie told him

"Addison" Natalie told him as she saw him think about the name

"I was thinking Addison Elizabeth Mcbain" Natalie looked him in the eyes and told him

"Yeah, that's a good name, she looks like an Addison Elizabeth Mcbain" John said as he looked into his daughter s eye's. He felt as if he was going to melt, with all that had happened recently and with them almost losing her tonight he was in awe, in awe of what all this love that Natalie had for him had produced all the love that they had for each other had produced, he figured there was nothing better in life than what he was feeling right now, nothing.

John and Natalie never discussed what happened with Dr. Winters that night; they didn't want to dampen their enjoyment of their new babies and the happiness that they felt having Elizabeth with them.

A few days had passed and Asa had made arrangements to have all of them flown back to Llanview on the BE plane, of course with Natty promising to come straight over to the house so he could meet his grandchildren. John had taken Elizabeth back to her house before they left to get some stuff that was important to her. While in the house John told her what was going to happen next.

"He's going to Jail for a very long time, he may even die in jail, if and when you want to see him let us know and we'll take you but it's up to you. Also, when the case is over and your Natalie's legally, I'd...I'd like for you to be mine also, not different from Aiden and Addison, I'd like to legally adopt you and if you want, only if you want you can change your last name to Mcbain too." John told Elizabeth as they stood in the middle of the living room where everything had happened. Liz looked around and she couldn't see anything but pain in that Living room, she tired to remember her dad, Dr Winters the way he was and she realized it wasn't love he had been giving her all those years by what he did, it was control, it was loss, before her adoptive mom died he never showed any interest in her and then after it was like he only took care of her because he had promised her mom he would. He never showed any type of affection not the way Natalie had, not the way John had.

"I think I'd like to maybe see him once, not now but later" Liz told John. John thought maybe she had decided she was unsure about the other thing he mentioned about her being his daughter so he decided not to press into it. They walked towards the car and got in to head back to get Nat and the babies.

"Did you mean it? I mean.. If I want I can be a Mcbain too, can I be your daughter too, just like Addison" Liz said as John started driving

"What ever you want, I already feel like your mine, even if you don't change your last name I'll still consider you my child." John said as he focused on the road.

"Thank you, thank you... I want to be a Mcbain like mommy and the twins" Liz said all teary eye's and she moved closer to John in the car and hugged his waist as he drove. John briefly looked down at her and smiled.

"Don't thank me, thank Natalie, thank your mom, she's the one who showed me how much love I have in my heart" John said as he looked back at the road and continued to drive.


	26. Epilogue

Epilogue 

"Natalie honey Please, I can't get this damn tie right" John said in a tizzy as he walked into the bedroom Natalie and the girls were getting dressed in at Llanfair.

"I'm a little busy John your daughter just got a run in her stockings and Aiden ran to the store to buy her new ones. My hair is a flop and the flowers are all wrong and now you need help with your tie, can't you tell I'm losing it here, she's suppose to get married in fifteen minutes and she's got no damn pantyhose!" Natalie said as John walked closer to her as she was finishing her rant.

"My tie?" John said softly as he approached her, Natalie bite her tongue for she wanted to tell him what to do with his tie and she instead turned him around near the mirror and tried to fix it while watching it in the mirror. She couldn't get it; she continued to try and ended up choking him a little. John gasped for air and waved to her that it was too tight.

"Okay! All right already! You're the father of the bride you don't need a fucking tie!" Natalie said as she pulled the tie off of him and threw it to the ground.

"I have more important things to worry about" Natalie told him as Addison entered the room

"Nice language mom, maybe you should say it louder next time I'm sure the priest and the new in laws down stairs didn't hear you" Addison told her as she walked passed her seeing the state her mom was in.

"Addison help your dad with his tie while I call Aiden to make sure he didn't get pulled over for speeding again." Natalie told her as she heard John cough a little.

"You know about that?" John asked lightly for he knew she thought the twins were to young to be driving at sixteen.

"Yeah, I know about it, I know you and your son were trying to keep it a secret between you two men and I don't really appreciate it but now's not the time to be discussing it." Natalie told him as she looked at him and gave him a small smirk. John smiled and could see her nervousness was easing just a bit, just a bit till they heard Liz scream out from the bathroom something about her zipper being stuck. Natalie threw her arms up in the air as if asking what could happen next. John watched her and he went over by her and chuckled.

"And what might you be laughing at Mcbain?" Natalie asked him

"Nothing, just you should have let me leave the ladder out, it would have been a whole lot easier than this" John said as he left the room. Natalie gave him one of those annoyed smiles and she watched as he left.

Twenty-five minutes later

Aiden escorted his mom to her seat and then he ran back to accompany Addison down the Aisle in her pale pink strapless dress. When all the bridesmaid and groomsmen had successfully made their way down the aisle the organist started the wedding march.

John was in the back of the room waiting nervously to walk his daughter, his Liz down the aisle, he watched her closely and he saw so much of her mother in her, she was the spitting image of Natalie, most of the same traits except she was a lot calmer, she had a more mellow personality, she didn't seem to get into as many fights as Natalie had in her life time and for that he was thankful. He looked down the aisle at Addison standing there and he shook his head knowing she was the one who they had to watch out for, she had Natalie's stubbornness and take-no-prisoners attitude. Then he looked at Aiden who seemed to be interested in anything else but the ceremony, he thought it was a waste of time, he wasn't anywhere near wanting to ever get married and Natalie loved it that way. She loved the fact that he was her boy, Aiden told Natalie everything, John was pretty sure he was the one that told her about his speeding ticket. He was such a mama's boy John thought as he smiled. Liz walked over to John and John's breath caught in his throat, today his girl was getting married, they had been thru so much since he first realized who she was that day in the clinic. Some really, really bad times but then, they all turned good. Natalie made John feel things and he married her, they married each other, and then they had the twins and got Liz with them. It all hit for them at once and now look at them, the five of them, just as close as a family could be.

"Dad" Liz said as she saw his far away look

"Are you alright?" She asked him as it was nearing the time for them to walk down the aisle

"Fine, honey, just fine" John said as he kissed her forehead

"Dad, my groom is waiting, he looks a little nervous" Liz told him as they were still standing there as John looked at her.

"He can wait, I just need to tell you, tell you that I love you and that you look beautiful" John said as a tear came to his eye and she smiled. They turned and walked down the aisle.

Somewhere about half way down the aisle Liz looked at her father and she just had to ask.

"Where's your tie?" Liz asked him quietly and John let out a large laugh as he looked over at his beautiful wife as she stared at him.


End file.
